Saturday, October 24, 2009

Lost in translation

Another of those amusing signs for which you can only asume either somebody has a great sense of humour or else there as been a terrible case of lost in translation:

For the record, its a fresh fruit juice bar......goodness know's what secret ingredients they are adding!!

Only in Dubai!!

On the theme of reasons to be cheerful there could also be a very rich vein of list of "only in Dubai",  a list of all those things that coudl only ever happen here.  Now this would be a long list, and already done to death elsewhere I am sure, but I saw my own personal summing up of the entire sad tale of this tinsle town turned ghost town where the common may can fool himself that he is something specially only to have it all crash down around his ears.

And the sight in question - an advert for a Lanborgini on a sumermarket notice board!!

I mean come on, supermarket notice boards have usually been the reserve of the tired family car you want rid of, the old step ladder you forgot to return after borrowing and hte box of crap you found at the back of the shed.  Surely such luxury brand items as a Lambo should be sold in expensive magazines or swanky forecourts.......I guess not in Dubia.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I'm leaving, I am Cheerful - That's me

To be read to the tune of "Reasons to be Cheerful - Part 3"

Won't miss Abu Dhabi, or the Jebel Ali
You can keep Dubyai and its smoke.
Off plan Palace, the business card ballet
Agents are all pally, now they're broke

Arabs call them Jamals, won't miss camels
Ugliest of the mamels no joke
Gordy shiny silly, Driving may kill me
In hatta with a Philli; phone broke.

No more grin and bare it, no more have to ware it
when 'cruiser cut me up and then you
Too hot to be sporty. Kissing it is naughty
Mercury hitting Forty, humid too

No more joining queue with a form and stamp or two
I've been in a few; they're pooh.
But if you have the wasta, things will move on faster
if you don't then you'll fester, its true

Leaving I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving I am cheerfil (He he)
Leaving I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving I am cheerful - that, is, me

In cyclone shake their asses, old men and young lasses
Very best prices just for you

No more family visits, no more 'good er innits'
Their getting on your tits; day two
Catboy gordie bird, drivel every word
won't miss it y'ave my word, nintytwo

Non-muslim pork n pickle, the courier motor-sickle
recession feel the prickle. We're off.
Expat on a Harli, Ravies for a darlee
sure of jippyfarty next day

Internet it's cruddy, no skype to phone a buddy
beaches, can't go nuddy.  No way.
Double apple tokey, lovely sheesha smoky
Coughing splutter chokey

Cinema know I'll go, without a ring-a-ringo
Hate that will a passion I do

Leaving I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving I am cheerful (He he)
Leaving I am cheerful (That's me)
Leaving I am cheerful - That, is, me

Oh yes yes boss dear, Not coming here
Perhaps next year.  No hope

Leaving; I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving; I am cheerfil (He he)
Leaving; I am cheerful (That's me)
Leaving; I am cheerful - That, is, me
Leaving; I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving; I am cheerfil (He he)
Leaving; I am cheerful (That's me)
Leaving; I am cheerful - That, is, me

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Reasons to be Cheerful - Part 3

I've just thought of a another one!! 

6.  Weekly/monthly rent will become the norm - No more annual rent:one checque!!

Yes people of the world unacustomed to the daylight robbery that is renting a villa in the sand pit that is right, here in the land of the mad we are often required to pay rent up front FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR!!

Well not any more as Australia is a far more civilised place and I see from letting agents over there that weekly and monthly rents are quite definatly the norm.  Happy days.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Reasons to be Cheerful Part 2

I have a reason to be cheerful for being in the UAE so in the interests of balance and fairness I feel I should add this:

-1 I can hoon around in the desert with my mates whereever and whenever I like without the nanny state telling me I cna't because I might break something/someone/some how and it will all end in tears.

Hence I now have a great new banner image with thanks to Goatboy after a trip into the desert which gave rise to a perfect opportunity to do a nice little donut or three on an almost pupose built gravel patch.


Ps.  If you are reading this shortly before considering buying YBOD off me then please disregard this post, that is not YBOD and I didn't do donuts in her.  Honest

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 1 revised

Great, no sooner do I start my list of reasons than the UAE decides to steal my thunder on one item 5 and do away with teh Emirates Identity Card scheme.  Well it's not enough, I'm not staying jsut because of that!!

So a few more:

5.  Not have to read teh newpaper on a daily basis to find out the whims and changes of the government machine which will chaneg again by tomorrow

Monday, October 12, 2009

Reasons to be Cheerful Part 1

No, this isn't a reference to that god awful ditty from the seventies or whenever it was.  It is in fact the start of what I suspect will become a VERY long list.  And the list is this:

I am in the later stages of arranging a new job in Australia and, all being well, will be leaving the sand pit for much fairer shores.  This is a fact that very much pleases me and fills me with alsorts of excitment, not least because it means I am finally moving on, only three years later than planned but moving on none the less. 

Now I'm not saying I havn't had a great time here in the UAE, because I have, I had some briliant adventures, met some great people and even ended up marrying one of them. However, I have sadly also met some awful people, seen some awful things and come across near pythonesce levels of loonicy.

I therefore thought I'd start putting together a light hearted list of reasons to be cheerful at about leaving Dubai - Here goes:

  1. I won't have to run the Dubai 10k next Janauary that a lovely friend arranged for me as a birthday present (for me, an avide lover of the coach!!)
  2. I'll probably miss my next turn on compressor duty at DSDC
  3. I won't have to take a few hours out of my weekend to drive to the middle nowhere to by beer because I don't have a license to buy it at over inflated prices in Dubai
  4. I will never have to get an Emirates Identity card as I'll be outta here before they are required!!

If you have any additional suggests dear reader feel free to leave them in the comments section and if I agree I'll add them.