A cat owners guide to packing

While packing for the Grand Australian Adventure I was fortunate enough to enjoy the assistance of Sam the cat, who apparently is an expert in these matters and with a simple sniff and a meow can confirm that this are correct and in order.

I therefore decided that I would put together some "instruction for use" for the benefit of less experienced cat owners who may not yet realise the full value of cat assisted packing:

1. Open cupboard and take out suitcase
2. close cupboard
3. take suitcase to bedroom
4. return to cupboard and remove meowing cat form cupboard
5. Return to suit case, unlock and open
6. Remove cat from open suitcase
7. Move to wardrobe and inspect clothes
8. battle with cat in the vain attempt to stop him clawing clothes
9. select clothes you want to take and load up arms;carry to suitcase
10. shoo cat out of suitcase with your foot, stamp feet and wave clothes ladened arms at cat
11. Put clothes on bed while you remove cat from suitcase, grab clothes and return to case
12. kick cat out, who has already returned to case before you
13. drop clothes in case while the cat has good rummage through your selection of clothes, checking that you have everything and that it all smells right.
    
14. Return to cupboard to get shoes, knickers and other paraphernalia, remove cat from cupboard, turn and throw paraphernalia in to case on top of cat,
15. remove cat from under clothes in suitcase
16. close case and search for keys to case
17. chase cat across the house while he bats the keys across the room because they have a fluffy key ring
18. retrieve keys return to case, quickly open one last time to check you have everything, close case and lock
19. Unlock case remove cat, curse and swear, take clothes back out and re-launder them all to remove cat hair, removing cat from washing basket, washing machine and tumble dryer in the process
20. Reload case, remove that bloody cat, lock case.
    
21. carry heavy case down stairs with no hint of assistance from the bloody cat
22. get the rest of your stuff ready and call taxi, wondering where the heck that damn cat is, probably sulking somewhere
23. Taxi arrives, pick up case and detect the faint tell tail shifting of wait in the case
24. Find case keys, apologize to taxi driver, fumble with case, get it unlocked, promise the taxi driver you will only be two minutes, open case, remove very disgruntled hell cat from case, close case, lock and run free from the house
25. Trip over cat on the steps and wonder how the hell he got out of the house.
    
26. Remove bloody god forsaken cat from Taxi, return to the house, deposit cat in house, lock up and leave
    
27. Get in taxi, and apologize once again for making him wait
28. Glance back at house to see that cat on windowsill looking victorious......with all your hair bands in his mouth which he stole from your case.
29. Consider going back but decide it just ain't worth it. That bloody cat!
30. Thank your lucky stars you are a cat lover and not a dog lover......after all a dog lover would leave you feeling guilty that you left them behind....but not a bloody cat!!