YELLOW BOX OF DOOM

Visa Process - A picture speaks a thousand words

2011-02-24T03:09:00.000-08:00

Well, like all good dyselxics I think better in pictures than all those words so here is my best understanding of the process:

And I thought it might be interesting to tick stuff off as we go along and, as is inevitable, add extra loops and lumps along the way

The Process

2011-02-24T02:55:00.000-08:00

As mentioned I have now received instruction from our migration lawyers which detailed our instructions which, thankfully, didn't self distruct after reading

For those interested here are the basic steps to getting a visa (abridged version):

I provide personal documents to the agents office (including medical and English test results as required).
They prepare Department of Immigration & Citizenship (DIAC) visa application forms for all family members.
These will be sent to me by email to be verified and signed.
They will prepare Department of Immigration & Citizenship visa application forms and supporting documents for my employer to complete.
Myself and my employer verify, signed and return DIAC forms and supporting documents to them.
They prepare written submissions in support of your application which we lodge, together with the DIAC forms, my supporting personal documents and information about my employer
They monitor your residency application and liaise with Immigration with regards to any queries or clarification.
DIAC notifies us of the outcome of the visa application.
Furhter instructions are provided to arrange visa evidencing.

Sounds simple doesn't it. But wait, this little list starts with a Mount Everest of complication before it even gets started. That innocent little phase "personal documents" cloaks a much longer list. The documents needed include:

Certified copy of your passport bio-data pages, pages with Australian visa labels and entry and departure stamps.
If applicable, certified copy of the passport bio-data pages, and pages with Australian visa labels and entry and departure stamps, for any family members to be included in the application
Two recent passport photos for you and any included family members in the application
If applicable, certified copy of your marriage certificate/ OR de facto documentation confirming that you and your spouse have lived together for at least the last 12 months.
Certified copy of any previous divorce decrees (if applicable).
Certified copy of any change of name deeds (if applicable)
Certified copy of military discharge certificate for any compulsory or non-compulsory service completed (if applicable).
Certified copy of your qualifications (e.g. diploma certificate, bachelors degree etc).
Copies of two recent pay slips.
Copy of your Subclass 457 approval notification email for you and any included family members
Evidence of English language ability.
Police clearances for each and every country you have lived for more than 12months in the last 10 years
Medical checks.

And so starts the challenge........can I gather together all these pieces of paper before my stamina gives out........well of course I can, I lived in DUBAI!!

We like it here, please may we stay?

2011-02-23T03:30:00.000-08:00

Well it's been quite along time since I last id any blogging and lots has happened since then. Anybody who has follwed our life on facebook will know we've moved to Australia, had a son (Teddington) and bought a house. And with all these "life expereicnes" under our belt we've kind of decided we might like ot put down some roots and stay somwhere for a while. And will Teddington being a ripper aussie nipper we figured whuy not make it his home country - Australia!!

Now there are many ways to get into Australia: Tourist visa, migrant worker visa,

The Australian tourist visa.The Australian working holiday visa, The Australian business visa, The Australian business sponsored visa, The General skilled migration visa, The Spouse, Fiance, Partner and De Facto Visa, The Australian student visa. And even within all these there are sub-classes and special lists; and failing all these you can always just turn up at Christmas Island and hope for the best......but often that isn't so "best"

So it was that The Co-pilot and I started looking into the more favorable, if burocratically challenging options and it basically came down to two: Independent Migrant Works Visa or the General Skilled Migrant Visa - Subclass 856 Employer Nominated Visa (I kid you not, that is the name, roles off the tongue doesn't it? Having made initial inquiries I managed to establish that processing times were 1-3 years and 3-5 months respectively. With those sort of time frames options two looked best but required my company to sponsor us; something that isn't usually offered according to my terms of employement until you have been with the company 2 years. We've only been here 1. However, in the best spirit of "if you don't ask you don't get" I tried my luck and put a proposition to them and they liekd what they heard: and so we are now heading down the road of General Skilled Migrant Visa - Subclass 856 Employer Nominated Visa or GSMV-S8ENV.......or perhaps we can call it Bob for short

This was all agreed just before Christmas and at the begining of the month I received an email from the companies visa lawyers to explain the process to me and get the ball rolling. I therefore thought that it woudl be a bit of fun and perhaps an interesting record for prosperity to keep a blog of the whoel process, as I'm sure there is bound to be problems along the - after all this is beurocracy!!

So sit back, get comfy and behold the pantomine of our journey through the world of administratum, as we set sail for AUSTRALIA!!

Nobody more Youi than you.....except you that is

2010-08-08T04:10:00.000-07:00

Now I don't usually use this blog for goat style rants about loonacy and idioticness in the world but I have been moved to do so.

When I moved to Australia and kitted myself out with a truck of suitable qualities. You know, nothing extravagant just the essentials such a a modest engine (4L plus); good traction control (such as 4 wheel drive); an adequate carrying capacity (comfortable seating for five people and all their dive gear should about do it) and so I arrived at the economically little city run around that is the Nissan Patrol 4.8L GU ST.

I then got to looking for insurance for this little beast. I was particularly impressed with an advertising campaign by an Australian Insurer who ran the tag line "Nobody is more youi than you, that's why we insure you for how you use your car". Sounded brilliant I thought. They have things like cheaper policies if you don't use your car to commute to work, or if you only own a small car, or you only use your car at weekends for trips etc. This was a breath of fresh air after the insanly simple UAE system of "4% of the value of your car" regardless of whether you are a insane driver.

On this basis I took out insurance back in February and it was half the price of the next cheapest quite because I commute to work by ferry. Brilliant!!

Well, in preparation for the big trips the co-pilot and I intend to take peanut on just as soon as he is old enough for his child seat we have had a few minor modifications made to the truck. You know, the little tweaks like steel front bumper with super winch in case we need to drag an elephant out of the way, a dual wheel carrier steel rear bumper in case we get TWO punctures at once and 80mm lift kit (upgraded to super-stiff heavy duty springs) to safely carry all the extra weight. In a summary we finished off the vehicle as I'm sure Nissan really wanted to make it but ran out of time on a Friday afternoon and so cut a few corners.

Well, upon reversion back to my youi insurance compnay to inform them of these little imprvements it would seem that while there is nobody more youi than me, it would seem that I am just a little too meie than me and suddenly I am completely unisurable. It would seem that I can be as me as me provided you are a tofu knitting bunny hugger eager to buy a car and leave it at home and go to work on your bike........and do nothing more exciting with your car than add an air freshener.

I am now on the search for another insurance company; one that can handle somebody as youi as I want to be.

Mmmmmm an Idea

2010-07-15T05:51:00.000-07:00

I believe my good friend and best man (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) has descovered a possible and fool proof solution to my imprending child rearing terror:

I'll say no more.........other than ask if anybody has a Brazil lonely planet I can borrow?

Christmas in July

2010-07-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

Imogen and I had our first experience of a rather strange, but completely understandable, tradition of our antipadian hosts and that is the Christmas In July. I kid you not, a lot of these people have a second christmas celebration in July!! Now at first I thought this was a rather daft idea but I guess it makes sense. In Australia it is hot and balmy on 25 December which is entirely un-christmasy. However, in July it is cold, misrable and usually wet.........just like those fond memories we pommes have of old blighty.

And so it was that the co-pilot and I found ourselves heading to Eaglereach in the Hunter Valley with the Sydney Sub-aqua Club for a fantastic knees up. We arrived on Friday night after taking 2.5 hours to make the 60minute journey from Newcastle (where I am currently working) due to a combination of:

A cat that bolted for the door as we were leaving (40 minutes to find and catch the little bugger)
Called in to work to get wallet only to find they have an alarm system......half hour to wait for security
GPS that was 10km out on the location of the place and being lead up a 3km farm drive
Thick fog meaning it took us another hour to finally find the place despite being only 5km

But eventually we got there and a great place to get it was. The place is a wilderness retreat on the top of a hill, which basically means lots of nature trails, wildlife and sleeping in fancy (really VERY fancy in many case) portacabins. And the copilot got her fix of her new favourate native wild life - the kangeoo.

Well, enough chatter, here are some pictures:

The kangeroo's were pretty tame

So tame in fact this little fella came and joined us for a beer

and stuck around for about an hour and was pretty darn nosy.

Although sometimes, nature can be a bit too.......erm.....natural

There were also a few great little off roading trails

which presented a few challenges for Jules and myself with a bit of trail building and rock crawling

and back at the ranch it was a good long soak in the hot tub

and then Saturday evening we were off to the restaurant for a great turkey dinner and a damn good knees up. I'm afraid I don't have too many pictures of the evening itself (a bit too much vino to make the camera work.

Although I do have to say, and if you are opposed to open shows of affection (and I know they are rare from me), you know you have a stunningly good lucking wife when she can look this good even when she is 30 weeks pregnant:

I reckon I'm a pretty darn lucky bloke.

Well, most of the time

Who's Yer Daddy!!

2010-07-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

As Imogen has suddnely disciovered her writters prowess, and produced some quite amusing posts, I thought I better get a word in edge ways. Now, being a bit of a day dreamer (yeah yeah OK, a lot of a day dreamer) I was doing a few random searches around the wide world of webs and came across what I have to say is the COOLEST baby outfit ever:

http://www.zoogstercostumes.com/products/ru11609.html

If anybody is looking for that must get gift for a Dad to be this would be right up there with them (hint hint HINT!!)

Other greats include: Chewy:

and R2D2

Or for the baddies out there - a storm trooper

It is just a shame they don't do a Luke Skywaker in x-wing fighter pilot suit. As mum will know, along with the double inner curve, this was the much longed for toy to complete my collection. I eventually got the curve, but to this day have never been the proud owner of a Luke Skywalker.

I did originally search for "Where can I get Star Wars baby clothes?" and got back the answer "Tatooine". You have to be fan to know why that was so funny it made me laugh out loud!!

========================LATE BREAKING NEWS====================

Best of all worlds, they do a Luke Skywater in X-wing fighter pilots outfit for PEANUT!!

29 weeks and counting

2010-07-01T01:19:00.000-07:00

Today Peanut is 29 weeks old. We have been to the hospital again today to check blood pressure and to see how he is doing. I also had to see the diabetes educator as I have been told I have gestational diabetes.

First, I saw the diabetes educator to learn how to monitor my blood sugar and get information about what to eat and when to measure sugar levels. Everything seems fairly straight forward and I now also have appointments with diabetes specialists, dietitians and nurses in order to monitor myself and Peanut. Apparently Peanut could grow really large if sugar levels are not controlled and he may be more likely to be over weight as a child. He won't get diabetes just because I have it but it does mean he will also be getting too much glucose meaning his body will need to make more and more insulin to cope. Hopefully the diabetes will go away again after Peanut is born. They will test me again when he is 6 weeks old just to check.

I have been given target sugar levels and given options of things to eat before I see the dietitian, who will design a diet especially for me. They have also said that they may need to change items on the diet list as some people respond differently to each food. I have to eat mainly carbohydrates, low fat and hardly any sweets and chocolate, which doesn't seem fair when your pregnant and should be able to eat what you like! Looking at the items on the sample menus I would say the diet is very similar to what I have been eating already. The diabetes lady did say that if eating the diet does not control glucose levels they will need to supplement my insulin to control the levels.

The diabetes educator will speak to me every other Thursday, between diabetes appointments, to check my sugar levels and make changes where necessary. I do seem to get pretty good care from the Australian health system. The doctor rang me this morning to say that I did have gestational diabetes and by 1:30pm I was at an appointment to find out how to sort the problem out. They made all the appointments for me and gave me lots of information.

Next, I was off to see the birthing unit to have my blood pressure and Peanut monitored. He is going to be the best cared for baby in the world. My blood pressure was good today, not too high. After taking my blood pressure and checking urine again I was put on a monitor to see what Peanut was up to. They strap on two monitors connected to a machine. One of the monitors measures Peanut's heart rate and the other is to see if you are having any contractions. The midwives were very pleased with Peanut as he did not move away from the monitor and had a good heart beat. He wasn't moving as much today but generally is move active in the mornings and evenings.

The obstetrician checked everything and then I was allowed to go home. I now have lots of reading to do. Hopefully everything will go well. My next appointments are on Tuesday to see the blood pressure specialists and obstetricians.

Peanut's Hyperactive!

2010-06-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening we had to go back to the hospital for antenatal classes and to have my blood pressure checked again. I expected the blood pressure check to last just a few minutes but ended up staying for an hour and a half making us late for antenatal classes.

The nurse took my blood pressure which was high, but not too high and then they always take a urine sample to test. The midwife then joked that my results lit up like a Christmas tree. There was protein, glucose, keytones and leukocytes so I was put on a fetal monitor to see what Peanut was up to and check he was okay. He moved absolutely loads and he had a really high heart rate. Steven was quite interested when Peanut moved because the heart rate increased significantly. Peanut tried to kick the contraction monitor off my belly, probably because it was cold. He doesn't like hot or cold things on him. This time you could actually see the monitor move when he kicked at it.

The obstetrician came in and said it was good to see him so active but that they now needed him to calm down before I was allowed off the monitor. I was on the monitor for nearly and hour before they had all the data they wanted because Peanut wouldn't clam down and relax. The obstetrician explained that the protein and glucose could be signs of gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia and that I would need to come in again on Thursday so they can monitor Peanut and me again before we go to the blood pressure specialist and obstetricians again on Tuesday. We were also told that I would need to rest and come back if my blood pressure goes above 100 dystolic pressure or 160 systolic pressure.

Steven was traumatised by by the antenatal class as we arrived just in time to watch the birth videos. The videos were fairly graphic and I didn't realise some people had that much hair down there! I still think that ignorance is bliss where the whole look of birthing is concerned. Everyone in the room was very quiet throughout the videos. I haven't found the antenatal classes that useful so far. I thought they would have a more practical element than I have seen so far. The most useful part was the tour of the birthing unit and maternity ward last week. I have found the babycentre website http://www.babycenter.com better for information and the what to expect when you are expecting book.

Today Steven is away on business and Peanut has had hi first hiccups which was very funny. Apparently babies don't mind having hiccups like we do. He has again been very active and I am sure he will look forward to showing his dad his new skill.

Peanut Update

2010-06-27T02:24:00.000-07:00

Well a lot has happened in the last few weeks. I have been backwards and forwards to the hospital for loads of tests. I think I will be the most tested and scanned mother in the whole of Sydney at this rate. I went for my 28 week scan on Thursday only to be told that my blood pressure was still high (they haven't really been that concerned about it being high so far!) and that as they also found protein in the urine I had early signs of pre-eclampsia. As a result of this I was kept for observation, fetal monitoring and blood tests to see if I could go home. Unfortunately Steven rang me while I was having my tests and I had to come clean about still being at the hospital and that I had to stay a bit longer. He went straight into panicking husband mode threatening to come straight over to the hospital. As it happens it was lucky he did decide to finish work early and come to the hospital as I was admitted to the maternity ward and told I had to stay for more tests so they could get a good ideas of how myself and Peanut were doing. Fortunately I had been given a load of leaflets to read about breast feeding and immunising Peanut with vitamin K and for Hepatitis B vaccine, otherwise I would have been really bored. They put a monitor on Peanut and I had to press a button every time he moved. The machine gave a print out of Peanut's heart rate and monitored me for contractions. Peanut sounded strong and happy so no problem there.

Next we were off for another ultrasound. I wasn't allowed to walk around the hospital so was taken by wheelchair, which made me feel a little bit silly. Steven arrived just in time to come and see the ultrasound. The sonographer took lots of measurements of Peanut and amounts of fluid, position and placenta. This ultrasound was interesting because you could see Peanut much more clearly and the sonographer explained carefully what he was measuring and looking at. You could even see Peanut's bladder, which he emptied while on screen, nice! The sonographer asked if we knew Peanut's sex and we said that we had been told he was a boy so he said he would see if he could show us again. The kept making a joke about seeing traces of nuts every time he went over Peanut's balls. Peanut still had big testicles and a big willy! Steven was a very proud dad.

After the ultrasound I was starving as I hadn't had any lunch and so Steven had been asked to bring food and magazines with him to the hospital. It was very funny because he brought loads of magazines including 4x4 magazines and photography magazines. He did well on the food front as he brought healthy sandwich and salad and a pork pie. We shared the pork pie (apparently this was his plan!) Steven was a very good husband and looked after me really well. Once he had seen the doctor with me he went home to get me a few things.

Now asking a husband to get clothes and toiletries you are never quite sure what you might get as I am sure the ladies will agree. Well he did quite well. He brought me pyjamas that fitted and were part of the same set. He remembered tooth brush and paste and even contact lenses and makeup. I was very impressed. When it came to clothes he brought a good selection of those too. They even went together. He did however forget a few key items, underwear, socks and deodorant! Bless!

While I was in the hospital I bumped into one of the ladies from my yoga class who had given birth to a baby girl that morning so I got to see a new baby. I think the idea of keeping me in hospital was for me to rest and relax as well as to have tests but have you tried sleeping and resting on a maternity ward? Little babies cry all night long, buzzers go off all night and the nurses and midwives rush around all night talking. Not very restful. Then of course you get woken up at some ungodly hour in the morning and are told you have had a lie in, it was 7am! My idea of a lie in is more like 10-11am, I think we had different ideas.

All the tests from the previous day were repeated and appointments made for me to come back and have more tests and monitoring over the next few weeks. After all the tests had been reviewed I was allowed to go home as my blood pressure had gone down when resting. We were given strict instructions that I was to rest as much as possible and do nothing. The doctor asked me if I was working and said that I would not be allowed to work from now on.

Steven took me home and we spent the day shopping for a camp oven and a few other bits. I wanted to go to the baby shop but it had closed down. We bought a blood pressure monitor to see how different activities affected it. We found that when I spend the day out and about my blood pressure is quite high but after a nights sleep it goes down.

The following day I was due to go to yoga (I had been told I was allowed to do non stressful things) but after having breakfast in bed I began vomiting which put pay to my yoga plans. After a long rest on the sofa Steven decided I was allowed to go to the baby shop to buy a changing mat. When we got to the baby shop we found they were having a refurbishment sale and the pram I had been looking at was reduced from $679 to $549 and was in the colour I wanted (Steven wanted yellow but the pram didn't come in yellow so we got red). We also ordered the carrycot to go with it as this was also discounted and would take a few weeks to arrive. Then we found the baby capsule we had been looking at and found that also had $100 off. Steven then said I could get some sheets for Peanut and another blanket. We saved a fortune as we would have to buy all this stuff eventually and after a wake up call at the hospital, being told that they may deliver Peanut early if I continue to get pre-eclampsia symptoms, we decided we ought to get a bit more organised.

Peanut's new fish blanket

Peanut's boat blanket

Peanut's changing table and new changing mat

Peanut's toy box

Present for auntie Chloe

Steven saw this and thought it was cute

Peanut's new pram. The carrycot has yet to be delivered.

Peanut's Australian capsule

Shopping for Peanut always makes him seem really real and a bit scary. I am now just over 28 weeks and Peanut moves away from cold ultrasound gel and if you put a warm cup of tea on my belly he tried to kick it off. You can also see him moving in my belly sometimes. My belly also looks lopsided sometimes depending where Peanut is lying. I have been following a high carbohydrate diet this weekend ready for my glucose tolerance test tomorrow to see if I also have gestational diabetes. Hopefully the test will be negative.

I will let you know how I get on.

After my husband's comment I just wanted to add that I really couldn't do this without him. I really appreciate the little things he does for me and the way he is already looking after myself and Peanut. I love him very much. x

Peanut has more clothes

2010-06-27T02:22:00.000-07:00

Peanut has received more parcels from the UK. He has some knitting from Steven's mum. Myself and Steven have also been shopping and found these really cute little socks and some bibs. Steven couldn't resist buying Peanut his first Ugg boots. We have also bought our first piece of baby bedding and decided to use a boat theme in Peanut's room.

Peanut's bibs, cute socks that look like shoes and his first Ugg boots.

More Nana knitting from Steven's mum

Still Waters

2010-06-25T19:09:00.001-07:00

Walking back from the garage yesterday (truck was in ARB to have new bull bar and winch fitted) and I came across this cracking sight:

Makes you realise two things; there are some cracking sights to be seen when you move around at the slower pace of walking; these sights almost always occur when you don't have the fancy camera with you.

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Yeah-in-derry Trip

2010-06-22T04:37:00.000-07:00

For the queens birthday the co-pilot and I went on our first trip with the Nissan Patrol Owners Club drive through the Predominantly Green Hills to a little deserted minning town of Yerrendarri, which we pommes thought was prnounced Yerr-in-derry but apparently these antipedians call it Yourendery.

The official trip reporter (Nicci) will be preparing a write up and once this is available I'll share a link here. In the meantime here are some shots of the trip:

The Starting Line Up

Woodies fantastic Arrows - Look at the size!!

We drove through some gorgeous scenery

We Collected Wood and Set Up Camp

And set up camp next to the local airport

But apparently JetStar don't fly here

We Lit the fire

And let it BURN!!

We were visited by Magic Kangaroos

And the vision of an Angel

And set the camera up for a shot to Capture the great star views

New morning we were visited by a Kookaburra

Who shared our breakfast

After breakfast we gathered ourselves up

and on the way home managed to find a bit of a muddy hole

To have a play in and get a bit mucky

Thanks to Dave and Nicci for organising a fantastic first trip which sets high standards in relaxed attitude, chilled chatting around the fire and quality banter for future trips to live up to.

And thanks to everybody else for making the trip great fun.

Title adjustment

2010-06-07T02:16:00.001-07:00

In reverence to my right honourable friend Mr Cooper and his rather pointed observation that the current title might be persived as a little narrow in breadth of remit and likely result in a swathe of 'bloody babies booties shots" I think we can expand the title to "shoes".

That should still leave scope for those so inclind to take shots of juniors foot etitre but leave scope for others to be a bit more creative.

Have fun

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Peanut's New clothes

2010-04-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

When we found out that Peanut was a boy we bought his first outfits. YBOD's mum has also been knitting so we have some pictures of the first things we ever received for Peanut.

Our Son!!

2010-04-24T05:37:00.000-07:00

For those who are not on facebook and therefore didn't see yesterdays late breaking news, we now know that we are having a son, that he's a strong and lively one and, well......lets just say it was VERY clear he was a boy........yes like his dad ;0)

We are now going to have to start that long and painful process of choosing a name for the fella, after all he can't be called peanut for ever......can he?

Peanut is a boy!

2010-04-23T03:49:00.000-07:00

I am now just over 19weeks and have just had the latest scan. It was quite amazing to see that Peanut really does look like a baby now. We were able to see a brain, bones in the arms and legs and even fingers and thumbs. Peanut was a bit shy and kept legs together throughout most of the scan but we did spend nearly and hour and a half in the ultrasound room while the sonographer got all the pictures and measurements she needed. Peanut wouldn't lie on his back for the lady to see his heart properly so I had to keep moving around and going for walks to get him to move. We were also able to hear a good heart beat which was reasuring. We can vouch for the the fact that Peanut is definately a boy. We were able to see a third leg and a scrotum, YBOD is very proud.

Now that we know Peanut is a boy we can go shopping, my favourite bit. Luckily blue is my favourite colour, followed by red so a boy is good with me. It is strange knowing Peanut is a boy as we had got used to the idea that he was a girl and the name Peanut sounds a little funny now. We still have to see the doc on Tuesday to get the full results of the scan and make sure Peanut really is perfect.

What do you think we should call Peanut?

Trimix Divers Easter Egg

2010-04-04T03:15:00.001-07:00

The Easter bunny brought me the perfect Easter egg for a trimix diver....a trimix egg!!

This beauty was like an Easter bushka doll with a milk choc egg with a white choc egg in side that and a dark choc egg inside that. Genius!!

Now I would loved to have shared some of this with the co-pilot but what can I do, she's not trimix qualified so I can't do it. After all, the rules are there for her own protection, nothing I can do.

Mmmmmmmm yummy ;0D

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Full pint visitor.

2010-03-15T15:03:00.001-07:00

I have found a pub that does pints!! Sorry, I normally start my posts with a bit more of a narrative that that before getting to the exclamation, but I'm afraid this was just too excitting a bit of news not to get straight to the point.

So the story, well a friend of ours from Dubai (yes ok, it's Alissar so maybe aquaintance ratherthan friend) was over in Sydney under orders to visit family with her mum.

Anyway, we met up at Circular key and went for a wonder, catching up and talking sh... Oh actually, I think my mum still reads this blog...... Talking rubbish, unroll we found an invitting looking bar and sat ourselves down. Now since being in Sydney I have long since given in to the fact that you can't get a proper pint in Australia. Being a lover of Real Ale, and room tempurature no fizz ale at that, I am fairly doomed on the contents of any glass here as it's going to be larger or something tasting distictly like larger even if it's name claims it to be bitter!! But notwithstanding the issues related to the contents of said disapponting glass I also have to tollerate the fact that I can't even get a PINT only a SCOONER. Now the Aussies are generally metric in most things they do I know, but I understand they used to maintain the wholesome noble and honable beer measure of a pint until relatively recently, and then had this part measure of a scooner for the less manly drinkers....presumably for the ladies. Well it seems now that just about every bar in Sydney sells scooners only.

But, joy of joys, the bar in question did in fact sell PINTS and so it was that I wondered back to out table with two mug handled good old pints of Coopers Pale Ale (and a diet coke for the pregnant co-pilot) and enjoyed this properly gauged and sized measure of what I have to admit is a rather nice summer beer (best or a bad lot anyway) so much that I decided to stock up on two more to keep it company.

Well I could have just one could I, you never know when they are going to run out of Pints and restock with Scooners!!

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Scouser Sofa Salesman

2010-03-15T14:59:00.001-07:00

I dropped the car off for a service this morning and on the work through from there to the office I saw what has to be the best name for a shop, if only it was owned by a scoucer selling stolen tellies and Hifi:

If you know your scouse terminology you'll know what I mean.

I also saw this sign which makes sense in itself but somehow seems wrong.

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Alicecrock o'jaberwokie

2010-03-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

Just been to see the new Alice in Wonderland and thought I'd share a few thoughts:

`Twas brill, and the silly tale 
was dyre and bimbled in the Middle: 
All whimsy were the otherfails, 
And the none as got the tale. 

"Beware the Alicecrock, my son! 
The bore t'fight, the point t'catch! 
Beware the red head bird, and shun 
The funnyless story snatch!"

We took the 3D warpin specs in hand: 
Long time the maxim o'Burton sought
So rested we by the humdum be, 
And sat awhile in thought.

And, as if in chocolate factory stood, 
The JonnyDepp, with eyes of vacant fame,
And character though just as good, 
Why must it always be the same!

One, two! One, two! And through and through 
The first half it went snicker-snack! 
He knocked 'em dead, and with whit he said
but the second half umph did lack.

"And, as I've seen the Alicecrock 
Come to my side, look for my joy! 
O it lost its way! clever long the way!' 
I chortled in less joy. 

`Twas brill, and the silly tale 
was dyre and bimbled in the Middle: 
All whimsy where the story sails, 
but wait 'til disc on sales

I'm no literary genius but hopefully some will have reckognised that this was supposed to be in the style of the Jaberwokie.

Fetal Delinquent

2010-03-04T23:16:00.001-08:00

Today the copilot and I entered the next phase of the rest of our life.....we entered the second trimester!! And this milestone is heralded in by the occurance of possibly the scariest appointment of our life.....the twelve week scan.

And before I say any more I'll cut to the chase and share the pictures otherwise I know both our mums will fail to read the rest of the post, they'll skip past looking for the pictures so here
it is:

So why is this so scary I hear you cry, after all it is the wonderful moment when you get to see your new baby for the first time, and that is very true and it is wonderful in every way. But it is also the most terrifying, clostraphobia inducing panic and run to the airport to get on a one way flight to rio scary because it is the paradim moment when everything changes, your consciousness shifts and it all becomes real and official. WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!

Up until that point it was perfectly possible to be chugged to bits but at the same time in blissful ignorance of the true inormaty of it all. After all, up until now it was just a reading on a pee stick (no problem) bigger boobs (bonus) and the Co-pilot getting a little more portly around the middle (a rich vien of pie eating jokes aplenty). All very real, all very excitting but nothing ground breaking and earth shattering.

But now, now you've seen the little blighter, seen it move and riggle on screen. Now it's real, now you know it's there. And now you can't unknow it's there either. Now we are going to be parents!!

Deep breathes, concontrate on breathing in and out. In and out.

So what was it like. It was fantastic, there were wires and TV screens everywhere, lubrcant jelly, sensor and 'probes'. All very clinical, and all very cool. The Co-pilot gas been told to drink lots of water and we arrived we her busting for the loo. And one thing we have learnt from the whole thing is that our first born is already a hyper active, camera shy akward little so and so. The sonar opperatpr tried this way and that way (and another way that looked rather invasive) to get that classic babyshot image but to no avail, peanut just kept turning over and turning away. She even got CP to go for a week to empty the bladder a bit, jump up and down and cough to try and giggle her about but peanut was having none of it. Each time the sonar locked on and it looked like she was lining up to launch the topedos (take a picture) peanut would riggle, turn or in one case jump our of view.

But the success!!! She got a radar lock on peanut and we were all thrilled as peanut had been out foxed and appeared to be rolling toward us as..... She stuck her toung out and gave us the finger right of queue for the picture taking:

I kid you not, it looked exactly like that was what was happening and even the sonar opperator admitted with a laugh that that was of fact her finger...and yes she did have her toung out. And so there you have it. Our kid isn't even born and already it's a rebel delinquent.

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Technosubway

2010-02-25T12:30:00.001-08:00

A staple lunchtime deit of many an expat in the Sandpit is Subway, especially if you wanted to stand any chane of avoiding the expanding wasteline on offer from KFC, MaccyD or good old Bombay Cowpatty.

Well here in Sydney the subway is that little bit more cool and techphile with it's electronic self service touch screen ordering system

You simply press pictures of what you want (bread or wrap, filling, salad bits, sauces etc) rather than some semi comatosed zombie with broken englysh frowning his way through your order and then making exactly what he thinks you probably want least.

But there is a problem with this cool and rather funky gimick, I saw no buttons on there to allow you to specify which order you want the bits assembled in nor is there a button to engage a North Paisley accent and shout "TOORSTED!!" at it. Oh well Ashley, guess you'll have to stick to MegaMaul.

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Secret messages

2010-02-24T01:18:00.001-08:00

They say that sometimes secret messages are hidden in advertising.....I think the Muslim fundementalists might be teamed up with the meat companies

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Who's mate??!!

2010-02-24T00:45:00.001-08:00

Walking through Coles this evening we came across the 'specialist and forign food section' and too pit delight they had what appeared to be Marmite (veggiemite just isn't even close). But what's this? The name is all wrong! What's going on?

It looks like the right stuff so we went for it, but it did feel disconcerting for the poor expat to find it looks right but might not be....and after Dubai one tends not to trust things that look not quite right.

But they other joy after Dubai is fresh produce that hasn't been air freighted and bananas that are YELLOW!!

Not green as they are in the Sandpit. But enough of why Australua is better....

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Pregnancy Brain

2010-02-22T20:36:00.001-08:00

Mr Bailey quite often made much merriment and mirth about his wifes loss of intelligence during pregnancy which he termed 'pregnancy brain'. Now my good lady wife has maintained that she doesn't suffer such an affliction, and I've been unable to argue one way or the other mainly becuase, as anybody who knows the co-pilot will be well aware, a conversation with CP can be a fairly random and tangental experience at the best of times.

Well today I had a telephone call which left me in no doubt and it went something like this:

CP: Hello
Me: Hello, what can I do for you?
CP: I have a question.
Me: OK, what's that?
CP: Its.... Erm....oh, I don't remember
Me: (giggle) what?
CP: Erm.… I don't remember why I called
Me: ok, I can't really help you then can I?
CP: No, you can, if I could just remember what I was calling about.....I was writting a shoping list, maybe it's something to do with that....did you need any shopping?
Me: erm (giggling) I don't think so
CP: oh, in that case it's probably nothing to do with that then
Me: no, maybe not
Erm…
Erm…
Erm…
Erm…
CP: what was it then?
Me: I have no idea, would you like to call me back when you remember?
CP: Nooooooo what I'd like is to remember what it was.....
Me: but you might remember if you hang up
CP: yeah I might.......but I don't even know what it might be about
Me: Maybe it will come to you if…
CP: Oh, I remembered "did I remember to email you the medical report to print"?
Me: (perplexed) erm…no, what did that have to do with the shopping list?
CP: What? Nothing, why?
Me: No reason, so are you going to send me the email
CP: what email…oh yes, I'll send it now
Me: Ok, love you etc

So base on the above what do you reckon, pregnancy brain?

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Sydney wide bring and buy

2010-02-22T12:36:00.001-08:00

The copilot and I had thought that maybe Sydney had one of the highest eviction rates coupled with the harshest landlords when we started noticing an ever growing number of pikes of abandoned furniture on the streets. We have since learned that twice a year the local have a big collection of unwanted stuff where people can put our all the 'rag and bone' and it will be collected free of charge.

However it has been some time since deposition commenced and still we've seen no sign of official collection. However, over the weekend we saw a mass act of recycling and reuse that would put a small glow of pride into the heart of even the most hardened tofu knitting bunny higher. A mass bring and buy as you saw people driving past or walling by eyeing up what people had left out (usually out of the corner of their eye while prentending not to be). Then as time went on people got more and more brassen about it and you had Utes crawling around and stopping to load up on another mans treasure.

And yes, the pykie in my got the better of me and I will admit to grabbing a baby changing table.....and a tool chest.....but they were really clean and good as new!! Louise would have been proud.

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Big city village living

2010-02-20T18:19:00.001-08:00

After a day yesterday spent 'down south' with Carol and her 'senior friend' the copilot and I have decided to sample the attractions closer to home and so we decided to potter along the high street here in Fairlight. And I have to say it's lovely. We have a butcher, couple of shops cares and a bottle shop as well as a vet and a doctors all within a gentle stroke of our front door.

And so we have spent a liesurly breakfast in the cafe watching the world go by listening to the chatter between the comers and goers who are all jolly and frindly and seem to know each other.

I got me to thinking and the last place I experienced this sort of easy civility and friendly banter and chatter was visiting my Grandad in the little village where my patently grew up.

And so it hit me, while Sydney (and indeed the rest of Australia) might seem frustrating to a Dubaite used to 24hr city with late night shopping and everything being all in one place, it is probably the tendancy to stick with local shops and walking around your community rather than big out of town shopping centres and strangers for neighbours that keep the village feel of Sydney. I believe Sydney has been in the top ten nices city to live on since leagutables have existed and deservedly so, and it has to be because you are living in a village not a city.....which is cheating really.

And so we are off to the bike shop now to buy the Co-pilot a bike so she can explore more....and yes, the local bike shop!!

WE HAVE WHEELS!!!

2010-02-19T13:16:00.001-08:00

The co-pilot and I went down to Nowra yesterday and payed for the car and drove it away and she's as fantastic as we remembered!!

The co-pilot said she would have laid across the bonnet in a swim suit but her bump would het in the way so a pout standing next to will have to do.

Mmmm is that a no parking sign we have stopped under.....oh well, I doesn't apply to me habbibi

Only thing left to do (apart from winch, cargo rack, boot draws, radio....) is to think of a name for her. After all, the distinct lack of yellowness procludes a YBOD reference. Suggestions on a post card please.

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Training Day

2010-02-18T17:57:00.000-08:00

Well after my previous rants about trying to get ANYTHING done in the various halls of power and officialdom we embarked once again on a focused and concerted effort to get stuff sorted. We had a hit list of Medicare registration, visa label in passport, driving licence and bank draft to pay for our new car. And based on prevoius success I resigned myself to a day of frustration and running around and therefore booked a day off work, set the alarm early and off we went!!

Well we were up bright and early and down theferry terminal in time for the 8am ferry which got us to the CBD at 8:30 just in time for Medicare to open and our assault to commence. However, I expected to be writting you a long rantingpost about stupidity, idiots and blind vogonism but no, somebody up there must have heard my prevoius potestations because lady fate was smiling.

We arrived at Medicare, straight up to a counter were a jolly if sleepy lady sorted everything out for us without feeling the need to dream up a new bit of paper we needed (although we did have half a rain forest with us at the time). We then went to RTA, took a ticket and filled put the form only to be told that we had to be in Australia 6months before we could get a NSW drivers licence (not quite sure why it's a min of 6 months and not a maximum but there you go) so that was RTA ticked off. So finally immigration. Arrived, joined queue of one person, spoke to a very friendly lady and five minutes later we were walking all sorted.

So it was that at 11 o'clock the co-pilot and I were stood outside a coffee shop (which smelt of coffee and soap there couldn't be entered) wonder what to do with the rest of the day. Following a short phone call to the garage we are suppose to be going to tomorrow confirmed the car was available and so quick bought train tickets and are now sat on our way to Nowra to pick up the beast!!

And a final rant, this one about trains. Wake up UK and British Rail (or whichever fractured part of what used to be BR is in control of prices and tickets). Having decided to go to Nowra which is 3 hours away by training was able to walk into the ticket hall, pay my money and get on the train. And I didn't have to book a month in advance....on line.....with a credit card. Nor did I need a degree in logistics planning in order to work out which daisy chain of routes and companies I had to join up to make the journey possible. I simply walked up and said "two singles to Nowra please" and he replied "certainly mate, $31 and you want platform 15".

And yes you read that correct, $31!! For Two tickets for a 168km train journey. That's about 15 quid for you pommes back home!!!

And I wonder why I might not be too keen on rush 'home' to the UK.

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Sunset over Manly Ferry

2010-02-18T17:38:00.000-08:00

Got back to Manly late last night after sticking around the CBD until later to meet up with the co-pilot and go and try to watch Avitar in 3D at the IMAX (failed to get tickets because somebody had hired the entire place out for a party (that's some party, what ever happened to happy meals all round?).

Anyway, got the ferry homa and was treated to the sight of the sun setting and lovely clouds rolling over the harbour.

We never got anything as nice as that in Dubai.

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An Engineer just can't resist

2010-02-18T00:53:00.001-08:00

Following the stuck in traffic post a certain engineer of the maritime persuasion (who shall remain nameless to Dave him the shame) couldn't resist wanting to know more, specifically wanting to know about the twin propellers. Well here you go Mr Bailey:

I guess you could say this ferry is the chinook of the maritime world.

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Stuck in traffic

2010-02-17T13:59:00.001-08:00

Well I guess no commute to or from work can ever be completely traffic free, no matter where you live. And so it was that on the journey home this evening we got stuck behind a slow moving middle lane hog!!

While sat there I got looking at the ships plans on the wall and it would appear that the ferry I travel on each day is symetrical, with a propeller at both ends and both ends pointy.

Now this got me thinking....if both ends are the same which is the bow and which the stern.....and which way does one look to deferentiate between port and starboard? My god, how does the captain maintain proper naval decorem on the bridge!!! And if such things are out of control what will become of the standards and rules that have governed the waves and the empire for generations??!!

I shall have to write to the lord admiralty to inform him and hope he has the strength of characture and sense of duty to do the right thing...yes I mean the ultimate sanction.....send out the navy to give one up 'em!!! Cos they don't like it up 'em sir!!

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Aussie smart casual

2010-02-17T13:56:00.001-08:00

Another quick post, of a sight I saw this morning which has to be a uniquely Australian interpretation of smart casual:

This fella was walking in front of me from the ferry to the CBD. The fella had a good quality smart looking shirt, cuff links and flip flops (thongs) and shorts (stubbies)!!

Sorry about to poor picture quality, I was walking in a crowd at the time.

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Label maker

2010-02-17T13:54:00.001-08:00

One for a friend of mine who has a love of labelling things, and the amusement of his mildly rebellious wife. Thing this would one to label 'humourous advert paraphanalia':

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Struth and cricky bonzer mate!!

2010-02-17T13:53:00.001-08:00

While walking across the car park we came across the MONSTER which and strung a web. But not a subtle little web in a corner. No, sir this is a monster Aussie spider, it's web was across the gap between to traffic signs!!

The spider is about the size of a ladies hand (unless you are an especially butch woman of course) and given the size of the web i presume he must be hunting kangeroos!!

If was a braver man, like Steve Erwin, I'd have stuck my finger up it's bum then wrestled it into a headlock!!

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You just wouldn't!!

2010-02-17T13:50:00.001-08:00

This post requires very little explanation:

No mater how despirate you got while walking around Warrangah Mall, you just wouldn't let them near your nads with a laser now would.

...I expect you to die Mr Bond springs to mind!!

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Text message discussion

2010-02-17T13:48:00.001-08:00

Just after Imogen and I found out we were pregnant (or immy is pregnant and I am panicking) we went off the see Imogens friend Fran up in Scotland while we were there we were 'exposed' to a wealth of pregnancy books from Fran's collection.

At this time we hadn't been to the doctors yet and so didn't know how far along we were. And so we proceeded to adopt the approach of all the best Internet hypercondricat and started with the symptom list for each week of the pregnancy.

For your amusement here is the SMS conversation that went back and to between us and my mum:

Us: Mum. We've been reading pregnancy books (only the first few chapters) and based on the symptoms described (and we hadn't realised many of them were related to pregnancy) we think it is quite possible (ie scarily possible) that imogen is already 12 weeks gone!! Please tell me we are being silly!!

Mum: it not very likely if she took her pill right u can count from wen she stopped pill or last day of cycle

Us: Erm....a lot of the symptoms indicate would have concieved around Nov last year....when she was quite ill with a chest infection and so put on a course of superstong anti-biotics....which apparently stop the pill working. There are an alarming number of the symptoms that don't just match but match to time in the time line when either of us have noticed them occuring.....I reallyscared now

Mum: wot u count from is last day of last monthly and usually knock of 2 weeks cos it is usual to get caught in second week

aw bless no point worryin now it done-that is true bout meds they do stop pill workin-but usual t go by last monthly until u have scan nothing can be sure

Us:Immy hasn't really had a proper period since Nov, only bits of bleeding ( or quite possibly spotting as the books calll it) but we just put it down to stress and moving about...also pot belly been growing for the last two weeks, I commented at least three times in the last two weeks about her nipples changing colour and shape (apparently, can't imagine I would be so insensitive). Mood swings, tiredness, dizzyness I the last week....the list goes on

Mum: lol its lookin good! a few weeks is now gonna make much difference it happened now! shut the book till u seen a doc and have more idea

Us:AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!! You were supposes to tell us not to be silly and that we had it all wrong!!

Mum: i am Laffin now! its good t be further on means your over a tricky part-and not so long t wait! just wait till u seen doc nothin u can do bout it-will happen wen it ready no matter how many books u look at

Us: I'm going to text somebody else now, your advice ISNT helping me sleep....in fact your eagerness to have this happen sooner is worrying!! Now, where's Bob's number....

Mum: lol HAHAA heehe no more worryin u will have enough sleepless nights soon!

Us:

Mum: lol no! your not in dubai now tlk weeks t get t see doc GO T SLEEP

Us:Bloody UK, Imogen could have given birth by then!!!

Mum: LOL the way u 2 are wizzing thru the book and changing your dates she could well do!

Us: This is definatly NOT part of the plan!!

Us:you cope with detour u always say it just a different way round so go with the flow a few weeks not gonna make a lot of difference at the end of it all she will be glad it over sooner all u can do is wait an see!

Us: Will you go away, we are try to sleepy and you are keeping my pregnant wife awake!
Grandma'

Mum: lol i just thinkin i got less time t knit! daddy

Ferry cross the habour...a Manly journey

2010-02-17T13:47:00.001-08:00

Well immy and I have found a leased a house in Sydney and finally moved in the day before yesterday. There are a few (hundred) 'glitches' with the place but as everybody else seems resigned to accept "this is Sydney, all the houses are line that". I guess it's also possible that we have Been spoilt living in Dubai where everything is brand new and "redefining new standards in luxury and comfort". But still, his is a house that has just 6 power socks in the entire house, a gas water heaterthat looks like something out of a Terry Gilliam movie and a roach investation that Tim Burton would doubt make a film about.

Still, it's a house, it has a spare room for peanut AND another for visitors. And once the exterminators have been to kill the sqaters and our container arrives with our stuff I'm it will all seem much nicer. In the meantime we'll just have stiffen our English upper lip, grin and bear it (what what) and remember that out here in the colonies one has to expect to suffer a little.

And at the end of the day at least I am not living in the UK, I'm not suffering Dubais arogancy and I am currently sitting on the Manly ferry on my way home to my beautiful wife, looking out at the sun going down behind this view:

As Bernard Matthews would say......B'utiful!

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Week 9

2010-02-13T03:34:00.000-08:00

Peanut is still growing and is becoming a hard lump. She is not sticking out most of the time, only when I have wind. Apparently she is now the size of a green olive or about 2.5cm long. This week according to the books she has officially graduated from an embryo to a fetus. I would say that is a good mile stone.

This week we have moved house and then discovered that the place is infested with German Cockroaches. The estate agent has been feeling a pregnant womans wrath this week. When the woman who answered the phone said "what do you want me to do about it DARLING!" I could have reached down the phone and throttled her there and then. Fortunately a slightly more sympathetic colleague phoned me back and made some sensible suggestions of how to get rid of the buggers until the pest people come round.

Back to peanut. I wonder if getting stroppy with the estate agent counts as having mood swings, occasionally being unreasonable and easily upset? How can the people who write pregnancy books be so right all the time? I TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE CRAVINGS! Only I did want to vomit when lamb burgers and salad were suggested but suddenly had to have prawn crackers. One minute I really like a particular food and the next minute I can't stand it. Keep up YBOD!

I am still feeling quite tired and really struggle to get out of bed in the morning. If I do get up early I can't make it through the day without a Nana nap. I also have found that since the first month I don't ever really get hungry for a particular food. I eat because I have to and if I don't eat really regularly I smells make me feel sick. I have the most wicked sense of smell, I can even smell soap and rubber. I can smell book shops! Who can smell those. I bet there are a whole load of envious book worms out there who just wish they could smell out a book shop or a library. Having an amazing sense of smell can also bring its own problems. When I need to eat (as I say I don't get hungry) smells make me feel sick. A good one today was we couldn't go to a cafe because it smelt of coffee and soap. I had to run out of a car shop because of the smell of rubber. It would be good if I could put my super sense of smell to good use, like a superhero, but I have yet to find a practical use for it yet other than to annoy YBOD by not being able to go to this shop, and I can't eat there it smells funny.

I can't believe that something that is only 2.5cm long can take charge of your body so readily. It seems quite unfair really. Since moving to Oz and walking up hills everyday and having no car, so you have to walk everywhere I have got thinner, although you wouldn't notice because at the rate I have got thinner something has expanded to fill the gap. How rude. At the moment I just feel I look fat rather than pregnant. I am just waiting for someone to tell me I am fat. As another dear friend of mine, who is also pregnant at the moment finds I have a very short fuse and am easily enraged. Some people would claim there is no change there. Shut up YBOD. And no saying "My tubby wife," cheeky monkey. I wanted to say something rude then. Being pregnant has made me want to say the most foul words out loud. Fortunately I am still sane enough to curb that particular craving.

It seems amazing that I am growing this thing inside me and that I have to be responsible for feeding it all the right things to make sure it grows well. I am scared of getting fatter, even though I know it will be baby to a certain extent. I all of a sudden feel like I have to be a real grown up. I keep asking YBOD if he wants the baby and he says that now he knows I am growing one he would be sad if it wasn't there anymore. I will just have to try and grow it well. Hopefully we may be able to go and see a doc soon to check how things are going. I just like to have my mind put at rest.

YBOD, you are not allowed to talk to any pregnant women about how much things stretch, especially with actions. Its not funny.

Growing a peanut

2010-02-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

Well here I am about to enter week 8. I am feeling good and a lot less tired than in the first month. In the first few weeks I could sleep for Europe and felt car sick. We went to the doctor in Dubai who confirmed that I was pregnant and did all the necessary tests to confirm everything was okay. I had a scan and they dated the pregnancy at 5 weeks and 5 days and this is when we decided that our baby looked like a peanut and the nick name was born.

So much has happened since finding our I was pregnant. In the same week 2 other friends in Dubai confirmed they were also expecting. This is pretty impressive as out of four couples everyone is now pregnant with only a couple of months between first and last to drop. So congratulations to all the girls and boys keep up the good work. Although I am sure the past master fathers are probably doting/worrying/panicking far less than Peanuts dad (and I'm sure Jeremy).

Since being in Dubai and saying goodbye to our friends properly we have now moved to Australia. The exciting news this week is that we have found a house. This weekend we are going to move in, although our container still hasn't cleared customs which leaves us sort of furniture and appliance less. I am sure we can cope.

Anyway, I am way off topic. I was supposed to be talking about being pregnant and growing Peanut. I worry every day that I might have imagined her but my body keeps doing weird things like growing the most enormous and firm boobs you have ever seen. I swear they get bigger by the day. Fortunately the post Christmas pudding belly is gradually disappearing as we have to walk everywhere and have been doing our best to eat healthily. The good news is I look less pregnant now than I did at Christmas. I am also less breathless this month and I have finally stopped snoring. Yippee. As this is not very lady like and most embarrassing.

I have been having quite a few headaches which I did find put me in bed on a few occasions. I have started having caffeinated drinks in moderation again and haven't had a single headache since. Who said giving up caffeine was good for you.

I will keep you posted on how things go but so far so good and we still have a long way to go. I can't wait to reach week 12 and have another scan to check all is okay. Steven says I am a hypochondriac as I worry all the time.

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Hurray, a day off. Tourism here we come!!

2010-01-31T01:36:00.001-08:00

Immy and I spent/wasted the whole of Saturday zooming here there and everywhere around the Manly area looking at houses yesterday. They have an odd system here that you can't just got to an estate agents, look at house listings and then go and take a looke around, decide you like and say "yep, I'll take this one". Oh no, that is far too inconvenient for the precious estate agents, after all, all that show people around and actually earning a living might get in the way of Doug their nails and choosing sharp suits. So instead you, as the punter, are required to come along to open house viewings at times that suit the estate agents. Except the only time that suits them is a Saturday. And because they have so many properties to cover in the same day (because they couldn't be bothered all week) you only get a fifteen minute window to look at each before the agent locks and scurries off....whether you are finished or not!!

Well here's an idea people - meet people during the week, or spread the opendays through the week so that a swarm of 50 people don't have to race across town all day trying to fit in all the viewings...and usually missing half of them.

Anyway, with that tedious day behind us, and too tired of house hunting to start again this morning we decided to be tourists for a day and headed to Sydney Aquarium. And it was cracking!! Yes it was just another city aquerium with loads of big tanks, walk threw tunnels and a penguin enclosure like so many other such places. But there were two things that really caught me.

First was the way the place was 'constructed'. The main entrance, shop, cafe and smaller tanks were all on the quay in Darling Harbour. However the two major exibits, which were huge tanks containing sharks in one and Dugongs in the other, were two huge barges with the big tanks entirely self contained. Genius! It appears a great idea to me because it saves loads of space quay side but also allows the aquarium to have third barge off somewhere else being prepared for the next display (if they ever change them that is) and just towed into place ready to go with minimum disruption to the service. That's brilliant in my book.

The other was the dougong tanks. It was great to see these creatures, the possible presence of which had plagued a project of mine in UAQ. But what really amazed me having seen these creatures in the flesh was the theory that they are the source of the mermaid legends.

I mean, how long would you have to be at sea, and how despirate would a sailor have to be for a bit of 'companionship' to mistake these huge lumps of blubber for the beautifully nubile mermaids we see depicted in Coppenhagen!!

Or maybe it says a lot more about the sort of women the sailors were leaving behind....I mean...dougongs have WISKERS!!

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Cravings....nooooo, no cravings here

2010-01-30T23:42:00.001-08:00

They say when girlies get pregnant that they get cravi gs for odd stuff. They also say that girlies MAY become a bit emotional unbalanced and given to getting upset at the strangest things or people mentioning their cravings,....which they don't have. Nor do their cravings change from one day to the next.

In fact I have theory that cravings (if they were to exist) arnt in any way linked to any need from the baby for certain things for growing etc. Instead they are a need by the mothers brain to test the loyalty of the husband.....and how far his patience can be pushed by demands for Jaffa cakes and poppdums at 10:45pm......while in China town.

Last week it was (or wasn't) salted crisps and hot chocolate.

And in case you are wondering yes, I am writting this while wondering around the supermarket looking for that perfectly normal combination if poppdoms and Jaffa cakes.....

I usually like to include a picture of some sort which is somehow linked to the post you are reading....but as i found no trace of the Jaffa cakes or the poppdoms here's one of the beach we went to earlier today.

That is the beach with the crap cafe that doesn't do jaffa cakes or bloody poppdoms either!!

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Ey Eyhab, here's to your dreams!!

2010-01-30T23:40:00.001-08:00

Well the weather here in Sydney has finally started to break which has had two very favourable results. The first being that the humidity has started to ease (although not quite completely yet) and secondly there are some pretty darn impressive storm clouds rolling across the evening sky last night when we went out for awalj about. This of course gave me fantastic photo opportunities.....just when I didn't have the camera with me.

Still I had the trusty iPhone so had to rely on Chase Jarvis's maxim of the best camera is the one you have with you. And I promise, this is the actual shot with actual colours....there has been no Photoshop jiggery pokery here.

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Good morning Australia!!

2010-01-24T00:17:00.001-08:00

After a lovely few days back in Dubai saying good bye to all our very good friends in Dubai (I won't go on too much with a long drawn out good bye, our friends know they are great) we set off for Sydney.

The co-pilot adopted her usual strategy of sleeping through the safety video andwaking up as we landed in Sydney - yep she slept for almost the entire 13 hour flight but then I guess she is sleeping for two isn't she. I tried to play catch up and downed the sleeping tablet at g&t and managed 8 hours followed by two movies and we arived in Sydney to start our new life down under.

The serviced appartments we arrived at prooved to be a reminder of how spoilt we are in Dubai with regards our expectations from hotels, the place more closely resembling a travel lodge/student halls than the luxury establishment promised. And being in the heart of china town we were able to spend our jet lagged evening listening to police syrens, drunken revellers and stuff getting knocked over, nit to mention the two drunks we had to dodge pasted to get into the hotel. Still, we didn't leave Dubai to experience the same stuff so while it was a litttle disheartening at the time at least it made fore something to mention here.

So at 6am this morning we have decided to abandon all hope of sleeping and got our selves up, threw back the curtains and greater with the glorious sight of Darling Habour shrouded in rain and blanketed is a uninterupted abundence of grey

Those who know of our previous adventures in Sydney will know that this is out seventh day in Sydney in the last 18 months......and our 7th day of rain. Don't be fooled by the tourist blurb. To quote the co-pilot's embracement of the Aussie lingo "Oi Steveo, it's on blaady pissin' Down again"

So starts our adventure....

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Need a weee

2010-01-24T00:16:00.000-08:00

Day two off the rest off our life....and we are off to the Doctor for poking, prodding and a scan to establish how long ago the deed was done.

The co-pilot was initially checked out by the doc then it was off to the clinic for a scan and she was told to drink at least 1.5l of liquid before arriving. So at 9.30am this morning We arrived with CPs bladder fit to burst and praying we weren't sat around waiting too long. And thankfully it was a very slick in and through to the change room

And with the sexy gown donned we went through to the darkened room with the big TV and lots of probes and tubes of jelly where CP was strapped down and...

[Stop being silly Steven, and there will be absolutly NO discription or photos of that bit!!]

:Yes boss

Well, moving swiftly on, the scan went well, if a little uncomfortable looking and it would seem we are definatly going to be parents, and CP is now keeping our 5week and 4day old peanut warm!! And it has a heart rate of 97bpm

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Oh my god!!!

2010-01-19T07:53:00.001-08:00

The co-pilot and I have had a little bit of a shock this week and as they say, a picture tells a thousand words so here's a thousand.....summarized in one clear blue word:

We don't know how far along it is or anything other than The Co-pilot went for a wee and everything changed from there!!

We are off to the doctors tomorrow to be checked out and hopefully get some kind of educated guess from the Doc on how far along because all we know is that we had 'that chat' and decided the Co-pilot would stop taking the pill five weeks ago, and now the clear blue says we are more than three weeks gone but no more details than that......watch this space.

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The final leg

2010-01-18T04:37:00.001-08:00

Well after a few days rest in Nantwich recharging our batteries we went back out into the wilds of the British winter and headed up to Gala'...because eveybody knows Scotland never gets bad weather in winter....don't they?

And as expected the weather was awful, snow relentless and the GPS useless, taking us off the A7 onto icey B roads presumably because it was half a second quicker.

However it was great to get up there and visit Oliver and Charlotte (oh and Fran and Simon as well of course) and Imogen got to chat and catch up on 'news' (not gossip of course).

The snow and the commencement of the thaw and melt also afforded some great opportunites for photos

[pictures to follow once I get to a computer]

The trip back down was equally interesting as the thaw water flowed across the roads causing some interesting cornering corections. Still once we were on the M6 the co-pilot soon settled in to enjoy the rest of the trip.

I have to admit that while I might refute it around Ashley, Scotland is a beautiful place, with dramatic scenary and great landscapes.....I can understand why we British took it off the Scotts!!

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Battling our way to Hastings

2010-01-11T16:31:00.001-08:00

Well we survived the channel crossing in force 7 winds by varied tactics; The co-pilot eating a breakfast the size of her head then strapping herself in to sleep, me by keeping busy with JAmy's wedding photos and trying to avoid noticing the 45 degree angles we were pitching at*

We eventually arrived in Portsmouth, engaged the GPS and set off for Hastings....and the promptly ignored the GPS as it wanted us to go west towards Plymouth!!

As we headed east we very quickly realised that the weather forecasts we'd been reading all week might not be as far off the mark as we expected and so we were pushing on through a winter wonderland to visit the McInnes

But as we pushed on our determination was meet with an equal determination on the part of the weather combined with lack of determination in the part of the local gritter driver who presumably lived along the A22 towards Eastbourn because that was as far as the road clearing seemed to extend and we were left to soldier on by ourselves.

So it was that an hour later and three complete road slides, one roundabout dodgems and a hill that nearly beat us that we finally made into the lovely Edwardian Hastings and Chez McInnes (more commonly known as the crumbling mansion) where we were greated with a warm welcome, beer, bangers and mash, far too good a whisky and a comfortable bed for the night (thanks fellas)....there might have also have been lots of rubbished talked as well, but it too late and boozey to recall.

Next morning we were up for a hearty breakfast (including home made choc spread on saucages) and then off up to West Hill with the sledge and snowboards!! Could life get any better for a couple from Dubai who hadn't seen real snow in years.

And sillyness aside I was reminded of why the UK does have some great sides. Where else could we build a snow ramp and we, as well as a load of other complete strangers, get together to watch Mr J and Mr McI as well as a loonstic sledger attempt to jump far enough to seriously injury themselves followed by a mad kid with a dangersous combination of summersault skills and no sense on self preservation. It was loads of fun and killed an entire afternoon. [Action shots will follow tomorrow once editted]

A few hours later we retired to a local cafe for food and hot chocolate....all except Mr J who had his food so cruelly stollen by the co-pilot.

Sadly our time in Hastings came To an end way too soon and we had to be on our way to Worcestershire. Thanks to the McInns for their hospitality, Mr J and Eva for the company and their combined kids for their patience being photographed constantly. And no thanks at all to Mr Gritter Driver who still didn't seem to know of the existance of ANY of the roads in to Hadtings....is this really what I don't pay takes for!!

There are some days that make Britain seem great!

*Editors note - I think you might be exagurating a little there don't you? No!! It was bloody near capsizing

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I'm not taking like a paper cup...

2010-01-10T01:37:00.003-08:00

Well, we made it through quite a lot of snow and Ice and road gritters and we are now in Caen. We arrived at our selubrious hotel which was located in an industrial estate.

We were so inspired by the decor (based on crap student halls I am sure of it) that we immediately headed out into the snow again to take a look around Caen and find food.

And our search ended at that international symbol for kwality and valu.... Mc Donalds!! And you know what, pulp fiction is right. You can have a glass of beer with your meal....and I don't mean no paper cup, I'm talking a glass of beer!!

Although I think a combination of the cold and the beer might have gone to the poor co-ilots head:

I'll say no more.

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Just another winters day

2010-01-10T01:37:00.001-08:00

Well it's another morning and the co-pilot and I were awoken for the first time in the last month by that indignaty of the working masses - the alarm clock!!

Now normally we would tend to stay in blissful slumber until we ran out of sleep whereupon we would prise our eyelids open in our own sweet time and make our way to the sofa for tea and toast, with phillip scofield for company.

But not today, instead the alarm was set for the ungoddly hour of 6.30!!! And after turning it off (while questioning it's parentage, suggesting it could retain water on a river and that it should go on a journey involving sex and travel) I rolled over and went back to sleep....only to be reminded 5minutrs later how well my wife knows me as her alarm went off, I didn't know she'd set that but she knew I'd turn mine off. Cowbag.

So it was that 40minutrs later we had vacated our hotel room, scrapped the ice off the car (which started like a dream despite her age) and we braved the frozen roads of the Caen Perry Fairy Kay (as the SatNsv insisted on calling it).

The ferry terminal is unsuprisingly empty and the crossing predicted to be rough (7-8 winds and the Tricalor was standing full to attention) so we had a breakfast in port, took a quick look at the white horses breaking just outide the harbour and decided to retire to our cabin for a bumpy ride.

Now a word here to the gritters and keeper cleaners of roads in the UK. We have managed to drive from Trgiuer to Caen along a combination of major and minor roads with the ground around all crisp and even and not a hint of ice in the roads but plenty of 'le gritters' in l'operation.

Even thus morning at ungodly o'clock all the main roads were clear, although we did gave a moment of automotive Torvin and Deanism across the car park access road. Now as we cross from the frozen lands of northern France to the wastelands of Britain-cum-artica I think back to what the news has been showing if a UK struggling and grinding to a halt and I wonder if the old girl Toyota is going to be able to get us through our gruelling schedule of friends and relations visiting....I suspect there may be troubles ahead.....

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Imogen Enjoys a nice bit of Black Cock

2010-01-08T04:39:00.001-08:00

A regular reader (if the blog ever had one) will note that there has been and extended abscence of posts. This is due to the fact the the co-pilot and I have been busy with leaving the UAE, Christmas and New Year. But fear not!! I have a back log of things to blog and now have blogger on my iPhone so can start blogging wherever!! So I thought I start with the bottom of the barrel and work my way up. ;0)

The Co-Pilot and I are currently in France visiting the In Laws for a belated Christmas get together. As this is our last day here we have decided to make roast dinner for our hosts. While wondering around the Super-U decideding what meat to go for the co-pilot got the giggles and her mind was made up....we have to have a nice big 'cock noir'

If there is something garunteed to make a girl happy it's a nice big black cock!!

Happy New Year!!

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Location:France

Lost in translation

2009-10-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

Another of those amusing signs for which you can only asume either somebody has a great sense of humour or else there as been a terrible case of lost in translation:

For the record, its a fresh fruit juice bar......goodness know's what secret ingredients they are adding!!

Only in Dubai!!

2009-10-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

On the theme of reasons to be cheerful there could also be a very rich vein of list of "only in Dubai", a list of all those things that coudl only ever happen here. Now this would be a long list, and already done to death elsewhere I am sure, but I saw my own personal summing up of the entire sad tale of this tinsle town turned ghost town where the common may can fool himself that he is something specially only to have it all crash down around his ears.

And the sight in question - an advert for a Lanborgini on a sumermarket notice board!!

I mean come on, supermarket notice boards have usually been the reserve of the tired family car you want rid of, the old step ladder you forgot to return after borrowing and hte box of crap you found at the back of the shed. Surely such luxury brand items as a Lambo should be sold in expensive magazines or swanky forecourts.......I guess not in Dubia.

I'm leaving, I am Cheerful - That's me

2009-10-23T13:57:00.000-07:00

To be read to the tune of "Reasons to be Cheerful - Part 3"

Won't miss Abu Dhabi, or the Jebel Ali
You can keep Dubyai and its smoke.
Off plan Palace, the business card ballet
Agents are all pally, now they're broke

Arabs call them Jamals, won't miss camels
Ugliest of the mamels no joke
Gordy shiny silly, Driving may kill me
In hatta with a Philli; phone broke.

No more grin and bare it, no more have to ware it
when 'cruiser cut me up and then you
Too hot to be sporty. Kissing it is naughty
Mercury hitting Forty, humid too

No more joining queue with a form and stamp or two
I've been in a few; they're pooh.
But if you have the wasta, things will move on faster
if you don't then you'll fester, its true

Leaving I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving I am cheerfil (He he)
Leaving I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving I am cheerful - that, is, me

In cyclone shake their asses, old men and young lasses
Very best prices just for you

No more family visits, no more 'good er innits'
Their getting on your tits; day two
Catboy gordie bird, drivel every word
won't miss it y'ave my word, nintytwo

Non-muslim pork n pickle, the courier motor-sickle
recession feel the prickle. We're off.
Expat on a Harli, Ravies for a darlee
sure of jippyfarty next day

Internet it's cruddy, no skype to phone a buddy
beaches, can't go nuddy. No way.
Double apple tokey, lovely sheesha smoky
Coughing splutter chokey

Cinema know I'll go, without a ring-a-ringo
Hate that will a passion I do

Leaving I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving I am cheerful (He he)
Leaving I am cheerful (That's me)
Leaving I am cheerful - That, is, me

Oh yes yes boss dear, Not coming here
Perhaps next year. No hope

Leaving; I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving; I am cheerfil (He he)
Leaving; I am cheerful (That's me)
Leaving; I am cheerful - That, is, me
Leaving; I am cheerful (that's me)
Leaving; I am cheerfil (He he)
Leaving; I am cheerful (That's me)
Leaving; I am cheerful - That, is, me

Reasons to be Cheerful - Part 3

2009-10-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

I've just thought of a another one!!

6. Weekly/monthly rent will become the norm - No more annual rent:one checque!!

Yes people of the world unacustomed to the daylight robbery that is renting a villa in the sand pit that is right, here in the land of the mad we are often required to pay rent up front FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR!!

Well not any more as Australia is a far more civilised place and I see from letting agents over there that weekly and monthly rents are quite definatly the norm. Happy days.

Reasons to be Cheerful Part 2

2009-10-19T11:31:00.000-07:00

I have a reason to be cheerful for being in the UAE so in the interests of balance and fairness I feel I should add this:

-1 I can hoon around in the desert with my mates whereever and whenever I like without the nanny state telling me I cna't because I might break something/someone/some how and it will all end in tears.

Hence I now have a great new banner image with thanks to Goatboy after a trip into the desert which gave rise to a perfect opportunity to do a nice little donut or three on an almost pupose built gravel patch.

SWEET!!

Ps. If you are reading this shortly before considering buying YBOD off me then please disregard this post, that is not YBOD and I didn't do donuts in her. Honest

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 1 revised

2009-10-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

Great, no sooner do I start my list of reasons than the UAE decides to steal my thunder on one item 5 and do away with teh Emirates Identity Card scheme. Well it's not enough, I'm not staying jsut because of that!!

So a few more:

5. Not have to read teh newpaper on a daily basis to find out the whims and changes of the government machine which will chaneg again by tomorrow

Reasons to be Cheerful Part 1

2009-10-12T11:41:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't a reference to that god awful ditty from the seventies or whenever it was. It is in fact the start of what I suspect will become a VERY long list. And the list is this:

I am in the later stages of arranging a new job in Australia and, all being well, will be leaving the sand pit for much fairer shores. This is a fact that very much pleases me and fills me with alsorts of excitment, not least because it means I am finally moving on, only three years later than planned but moving on none the less.

Now I'm not saying I havn't had a great time here in the UAE, because I have, I had some briliant adventures, met some great people and even ended up marrying one of them. However, I have sadly also met some awful people, seen some awful things and come across near pythonesce levels of loonicy.

I therefore thought I'd start putting together a light hearted list of reasons to be cheerful at about leaving Dubai - Here goes:

I won't have to run the Dubai 10k next Janauary that a lovely friend arranged for me as a birthday present (for me, an avide lover of the coach!!)
I'll probably miss my next turn on compressor duty at DSDC
I won't have to take a few hours out of my weekend to drive to the middle nowhere to by beer because I don't have a license to buy it at over inflated prices in Dubai
I will never have to get an Emirates Identity card as I'll be outta here before they are required!!

If you have any additional suggests dear reader feel free to leave them in the comments section and if I agree I'll add them.

Normal Service Resumed......again

2009-09-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update on teh Du situation, which I must admit I thought was Du-n and Du-sted. It seems that in Du world if at first you don't succeed then you have to try and try again.....even after you have already done it.

As previously reported here, Du came and testedout lines and hooked us up about a week ago and low and behold, last night we got a call at 11pm from a Du service agent who was ever so pleased with himself to be abel to tell us:

Du: Evening sir
Me: Evening, who is this
Du: I am calling from Du, I have great news
Me: Really, well it better be at 11pm
Du: You know how we told you that we woudl not be able to send and engineer until the 29th to connect your account?
Me: Yes
Du: Well, good news sir, we have managed to bring the date forward to the 27th
Me: What?
Du: The 27th sir, it will be two days earlier
Me: And you had to call me at 11pm to tell me that
Du: Yes sir, its good news
Me: So good i had to be woken up after I have already been in bed for an hour and a half
Du: Sir?
Me: Well maybe we could both wait until tomorrow morning when we have had a good nights sleep and have clearer head
Du: Pardon sir?
Me: Because then you can check your computer and realise that you connected me 3 days ago!!
Du: Pardon sir
Me: Good night, and do not call me again this late
Du: But sir.....
BBbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I felt a pang of guilt for the fella as he did seem really proud of the fact he was going to be able to arrange an engineer 2 days sooner.

Meeep Meep

2009-09-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

This year I vowed that under no circumstances was I going togo to an Iftar buffet as they are, generally and on the whole, crap. Only people who haven't eaten ALL day would want to touch most of the make 'em cheap stack 'em high stodge that is shoveled out on the buffets......which is probably why Iftar comes right after fasting.

Add to this, when we went out for Mr Bailey's birthday a few weeks ago the Dodd's broke the news to Richard and I that as a birthday present they had entered us in the Dubai 10k!! With friends like that who needs enemies. As so it is that the co-pilot and I are having to embark upon the (very) long road to fitness.

On Wednesday last week Ashley at work decided that we should all embark upon a run as a kind of group team building torture event bt combing these two - avoiding Iftar and running - and enter the Dubai Road Runner 5k Iftar race. This basically involved a runaround Musrif park starting at 6pm and running until Iftar - and therefore no water until the end!!

Ashley then press ganged Mr Page, Gregor, myself, Chris and Matt and Natasha into joining her for this act of stupidity, along with each of our respoective partners.

And so it was that at 5.30pm we congregated in the car park as Musrif, limbered, stretched and generally tried to make it look like Mr Page wasn't the only one who knew what he was doing. We struck off at 6pm and by 6:05 I was crossing the finish line wishing I hadn't agreed to this stupidity.

By 1km I had been passed by the lead pack of girls and by 2km I was passed by Natasha to a hoot of "Camon Mate, are you going to let yourself be beaten by a Sheila" and she might have even said "Struth".......but equally I might be resorting to crude stereotypes and paraphrasing but she said words to that effect as she glided past effortlessly and I cursed her to trip and fall (in a no injuring or damaging way of course).

But 35 minutes later it was all over and I was stumbling over the finish line and completing my first ever running race....and I even beat three other blokes!!

Full results can be found her, and I can be found pretty close to the end of the list

http://www.dubai-road-runners.com/iftarchallenge/iftarresults.html

Readers in High Places

2009-09-06T04:23:00.001-07:00

Well, it would appear that this blog has readers in high places..........as low and behold the Du machine ground into action today and I was called this afternoon to say that if I could be home within an hour then an engineer would be there to connect my internet and TV.

So, with all due haste (but equal measure of due attention to road safety of course) I high tailed home from work to find the fella sat in the drive way with a box of tricks under his arm. Five minutes later he had plugged in the cables, turned it on and we are now up and running!!

Hurray for readers in high places!!

For those interested, the 'checks' the Engineer had to make on the lines which were the reason Du couldn't connect us remotely were made up of plugging in the network cable in to the wall, other end into my laptop and asking me to connect to a web page........ground breaking.

THE SERVICE IS TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED

2009-09-01T03:58:00.000-07:00

SORRY - DUE TO THE INSANITY OF THE DU COMPANY SYSTEMS THIS BLOG WILL BE TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED FOR UPTO 28 DAY

WATCH THIS SPACE.......BUT DON'T EXPECT ANYTHIGN EXCITTING TO HAPPEN

Du - Well...actually we don't....but we do....just not straight away

2009-09-01T03:27:00.000-07:00

The co-pilot and I have recently moved out of our borrowed palacial mansion and into an new "little house of our own" (albiet rented - we are not daft enough to buy in Dubai at the moment). we completed the move last weekend and the new landlord is a sound fella (a rarity in these times) and he kept the DEWA and Du servces connected while we moved in.

Now I have been following with amused interst the Grumpy Goats on going saga with Itisalot and his efforts, in vain to date, to persuade them that as a ISP they have just two functions (1) to provide internet and (2) collect payment for said service. And in summary it would appear itisalot are only able to master the second part of that equation.

In our old appartment (prison Cell Block Wakka) we had completely failed to enjoy any of Itisalots services as they did not have cables in our area yet. So, with the move to the Arbian Ranches we were looking forward to never having to deal with itisalot again as we would be switching (through no choice of ours) to the otehr monopoly - Du (oh the joys of the free market competition in the Sand Pit). This will be brilliant we thought; fast internet, cable TV and not a hint of Itisalot's incompetence.

Yesterday therefore co-pilot met up with the The Landlord and went down to Du to arraneg for his account to be cancelled and ours to be set up and thereby effect a "seemless and painless transition of power"......or so we thought!!

The Co-pilot and The Landlord explain the situation and requested the disconnetion and setting up of our account.

"No problem" replied the (suprisingly) helpful assistant.....[click click clicked click]....."there you go Mr Landlord your account has been cancelled and your internet will be disconnected within 24 hours"

all don't remotely, efficiently, and without undue hinderance or hassle.

And then she turns to the co-pilot [click click clickty click) "and there you go madam you have been scheduled for reconnection"
Co-pilot "scheduled? Do it will follow on as soon as the Landlord is disconnected"
Assistant: "Pardon me"
Co-pilot: "you said scheduled, does that mean it will be straight after"
Assitant: "Oh no, your request has to go to an engineer.....who will schedule an appointment.....to come to your premises to make the connection"
Co-pilot: "erm..why can't it be done remotely like the disconnection?"
Assistant: "becasue it is the companies system of course"
Co-pilot "why?"
Assistant: "well, because they need to check the lines and make the connect"
Co-pilot: "but why, we know it works, you havejus tdisconnect The Landlord from the same line"
Assitant: "yes I know, but its the company system, what can I do"
Co-pilot [realising she is fighting a loosing battle]: "Groan.....so how long will that take?"
Assistant: "Oh I'll schedule you for the next available slot......which is......[click click clickedy click] 29 September"
Co-pilot: "WHAT!! That's over four weeks away!!"
Assitant: "Well yes, it is a long time away, but the Engineers are all busy"
Co-pilot: "What with, checking lines unnecessarily?"

24 hours to disconnect.......672 hours to connect!! Don't you just love high technology!! My brother can work on a server in Frankfurt while sat in London, and get can turn it off and on again at will. But the dears at Du need a man to come a month later to check it manually.

So it is that the YBOD family will be off air for the next 28 days while we await an Engineer coming out to check a line we all already know works fine.........I love living in the sandpit.

NOT.

Internet Carrier

2009-08-08T04:09:00.000-07:00

I have for some time been slightly in love with all things Apple Mac.......some have even suggested I may be a Mac fanboy. I don't deny it ;0) While in the UK for the wedding I decided to treat myself and upgrade my iPhone 2g to the sexy new 3gs.

As with all such things related to using the iPhone under anything other than the original contract I have of course had to jailbreak the phone and remove the carrier restrictions. Buy this was easy enough thanks to the iclarify website.

With the new phone up and running I immediatly set about filling up its memory with useless apps that would serve no purpose beyond the amusement brought about by there initial installation. One fantastic example of this is the 'fake carrier' app which allows you to change the name of the phone provider in the top right corner.

I have long since adopted the Grumpy Goats name for the local provider in the UAE (but won't mention their name for fear of getting my blog blocked on the grounds that.....well.....they don't like it) so it was with great amusement that I set my iphone to show the same:

Trust you approve Grumpy Goat.

Normal Service Shall Now Be Resumed

2009-08-08T03:00:00.000-07:00

Following a long break in postings on this blog regular reader(s) can lok forward to a resumption of normal service as my latest side project is now completed and I can return to more important matters like diving, driving and general inane observations of stuff around me.

So what was this side project I hear you ask.......well, I only went and got myself married didn't I!!

The lovely Imogen Mason (now Beckett) agreed earlier this year to marry me and made me proper proud. I nthe lead up to the wedding I have therefore been dedicating my efforts to our wedding blog, which can be found at www.marriedandnotevenpregnant.blogspot.com.

While previously htis has only been circulated around those invitted to the wedding, with the big day over and done with I thought I'd share it with my wider reader.

Enjoy.

As Aerodynamic as a....

2009-07-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

While back in the UK visiting mum I saw what has to go on the list of bunny hugging gone mad. At the end of the road is a Defender which, even for the non-tecnical minded, is easily regarded as vehicle that would appear pretty far down the list of cars you'd choose if fuel efficiency was your priority.

Well, this neighbor has his long wheel base defender and has fitted a huge roof rack for maximum stuff carrying (good man).

However, if you look carefully, he has also fitted one of the aerodynamically designed Halfords storage boxes. Why did he choose to add on of these?

Well apparently to help with fuel efficiency!! On a Landdrover!!

He maintains every little helps!! On a truck as about as aerodynamic as a filing cabinet!! It takes all sorts.

Airporting the Extreme Way - WDS

2009-06-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

I have not posted on the Yellow Box of Doom in quite a while, and that is mainly because i have been really busy with wedding arrangements and any time spent blogging has been done on the wedding blog (yes I know, all very sad and anally organized but we do indeed have a wedding blog!!)

Anyway, I had a free evening this evening so spent a bit of time trying to get the apple airport network working at its best, which is hasn't really been doing since we moved to the Palatial Ranche......long and short of it is the place is just too big and the wifi just isn't reaching all the corners one would expect of the Heineken quality Apple usually supply.

Airport Extreme........reachs the parts other rooters* cannot reach

However, once I started reading around the subject it tranpires that all this time I have had the network set up incorrectly. I had it set up as an extended network, which apparently means that it simply shares internet and printers etc. If I want the express to boost the signal to the other part of the house i need to utilise WDS (Weally Difficult Sh!t).

Now I won't claim to understand a single word of how WDS works etc but there is a rather clever chap I found through google who does, so I thought I'd share the link for anybody else who might find it useful......and so I can find it again in a few months time when I can't remember how it all works:

Spencer Critchley is the clever chap.

So I am off now to test the new and improved boosted signal while sat on the toilet using the internet.

* for any Australian readers out there I simply couldn't resist the deliberate use of the Australian meaning for rooting ;0)

Shadowy Gangsta Wars

2009-06-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

Warning to all woudl be fools who leave a YBOD on hos own with only his cameraphone and shadow for company.

While 'helping' BSS2 with the wheel respray I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my shadow, the little tinker, had chosen to earn a crust on the side a shadowy gangsta!!

Never trust your shadow, they might look all innocent and tustworthy, always there right behind you:

But at the first opportunity they will arm themselves

and when you confront them about it they draw their weapons

and fire at random in the air!!

Ibbah ibbahhh underlay underlay!!! El presedenty bandito, I kill people for money, but you are my friend.....I kill you for free!!

Golden Spade Star Shot

2009-06-03T11:04:00.002-07:00

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

ME4x4 Golden Spade 2009

2009-06-03T11:04:00.001-07:00

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

The yellow box gets new shoes - well, pollished ones at least

2009-06-03T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well, its been a long time since I last posted on YBOD and to anybody who has been patient enough to be a regular reader, I appologise. So what have I been up to. Well, two things - planning a wedding (yep, I am getting married next month) and also I've been out playing a lot in the truck with the guys from ME4x4

However the driving season is over now as the hot weather comes in and camping is no longer a realistic option. As a result I should have more time now for updating blogs and tinkering......which brings me on to the subject of this entry:

For a while now BSS2 and I have been seeing more and more FJs around Dubai which have been modifed, resprayed and generally pimped to a more or less degree. And while some of these look better than others (need I mention the PINK FJ doing the rounds in Dubai). I have over the time I've owned YBOD3 partaken in a bit of ICON bolt-onary but BSS2 and I decided to enbark on a bit of re-spraying to give YBOD3 some nice new black wheels.

Now this task was of course planned out meticoulsy in advance, with all factors considered and the optimum time to carry out the work chosen.....which was why we ended up making an early start, and spend most of the day until 3pm in the blistering heat of Dubais summer. I think average air temps were around 40ish, maybe a bit higher. But still, as you can see from the step by steps it was all worth it as she does look VERY cool:

Step 1 - Jack the car up and put her on Axle Stands (note 'before' shot of silver wheels)

Step 2: Remove Wheels and take to the back garden (via the front rooms so be sure Alex isn't looking otherwise you have to explain tire tracks through the house, and she isn't going to believe you that a gang of hells angels passed through)

Step 3: Taking Care to carefully label each one so you know where to put them back in the wrong order later on only have a girl notice your error forcing you to correct it (not that we will admit that happened of course)

And remembering to keep you nuts somewhere safe so you don't loose them

Step 4: Put down plastic sheeting, layout wheels to be sprayed and mask up the tyres (which you don't want to spray as they are already black). note that the back is sprayed first so that any paint that runs through can be sorted before the front is sprayed.

Step 5: Spray everything up, allow to dry and then flip and repeat step 4. Sorry, no pictures of the spraying stage because....well.....I was too busy drinking beer and pointing out the bits BSS2 had missed

Step 6: All to dry over night while you head off to a three year olds birthday party to drink more beer

Step 7: Return in the morning with a mild hang over to find that BBS2 has been up at the crack of dawn and already cleaned off all the masking and put the wheels back on for you. Stand back, admire and tell yourself that while BSS2 might have done all the clever bits, and all you actally did was clean the wheels and shake the cans of paint for him, it stil looks damn good and feel proud of yourself.

As Alex put it, it make the YBOD3 look more Rufty Tufty. I'm taking her word for that ;0) There was one other minor modification that was made in the process of spraying. Given that YBOD3 had long sinced passed out of the relms of simple motorised transport and inot the much more appropriate bracket of big boys toys it seemed only fitting to modify the Toyota grill badge accordingly:

Piture Dump

2009-01-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

Regular readers (presuming there is one) will notice that is has been a LONG time since I last posted on the blog. This is in the most part due to lazyness, but also it has been a very hectic few weeks since we got back from Australia and also I really want to upload the Australia pictures into the blog before I do any other entries. And with lack of time this is causing a backog.

Well a solution has been suggested to me by A D Das and that is Panoramio. I used to have a Flickr account set up for just this purpose but the thought police over at Itisalot have deemed Flickr to be too corupting to the moral fabric of society and as such barred it. Don't believe me? Just click here form within the UAE and see what you get.

Anyway, I now have set up a Panoramio account and will be uploading soon. The address is:

http://www.panoramio.com/user/2726791

Watch this space.......

The FJ Gets a New Hat

2009-01-03T09:48:00.001-08:00

Following our fantastic trip to Australia the Co-pilot and I are forming plans and dreams to jack it all in and take a sabatical to go travelling around Australai. Now with that now almost cliche of phrase - "the current econominomic crisis" it doesn't seem the best time to be quitting a job if you have one still so we are staying put for the time being. However, sanity dictates that can't just put a dream that big on hold indefinatly therefore we have decided to "invest" a few of the comforts we plan to take on the big trip, the main one being a South African Sarafi style roof top tent:

After reading around the subject and checking out what is available here in the UAE we decided to go in the end for the Forerunner Featherlite which was sourced through Icon in Dubai. Other options available were either on the second hand market (but sold before we coudl get it) or the Opensky tent from ACE.

In the end we selected the Forerunner for two principle reasons - the Featherlite is, as the name suggests, much lighter (about 38kg vs over 60kg). Secondly the guys at Icon actually knew about what they were selling and therefore able to talk to me about it thus giving me some confidence in the product. The guys at ACE almost seemed suprised to find they sold the tents, let alone talk to me about how to erect the tent etc.

So we selected the tent and took it out for its inaugral trip for the 2008 New Years Eve Camp Out (more about that later). Now, not being a great writer or journalist, I'm sure I'm not doing full justic to the tent by trying to give a review, but here goes. I'll split the review into five heading; ease of installation, ease of errection, space and comfort inside, ease of packing away and finally quality of construction.

Ease of Installation - This is probably the only place I would say the tent REALLY got on my tits, but then on reflection (and discussion with others) I don't believe it is anything of a crisim that could be layed at the Frontrunners door specifically, but instead to all tents of this type. In fact if anything it is made inherrantly easier with the Forerunner because it is lighter.

Basically, you have two aluminum rails on the bottom of the tent base which are then bolted using the supplied brackets to your roof rack. Now this sounds easy in principle except that you have to try and get your arm between the roof fack and the roof to bolt the damn things on. Now I have the ARB Expidition roof rack which due to the nature of the roof rails that attach the rack to the roof only give access to the underside of the tent at the front and back (not at the sides) as such the only way I could get to bolt the tent rails to the rack was to unbolt the entire roof rack, lift it up on blocks on the roof, bolt the tent rack, and then rinstall the roof rack. This was a very cumbersome and time consuming process, and before the end of the camping season here I shall be devising a quick release system so I don't have to repeat the process. But anyway, after lots of spit and cursing it is now installed and looks grand.

Ease of Erection - Now this is where the well designed roof tents aces the alternatives. To test the ease of installation we challenged the other new year campers to the first Dubai International Speed Tent Erection Competition.

The contenders - The Featherlite, a Carfour 80chip Dome Tent and a Go Sport Six Man Double Dome. And the conclusion - It has jsut taken you longer to read this paragraph that it took to erect the featherlite!! You unzip the tarpauling and pull out the ladder. The operation pulling out the ladder also unfoldes the tender and it all clicks itself together in a sweeping stretching arc like a cat waking from its sleep and having a good stretch. Genious. Total time, about 15 seconds.

The 80Chip tent took about 10 minutes, and the Super Six Man Double Dome, as far as I know, is still being assembled now. In order to maintain impartiality the whole event was presided over by our own tent errection expert - Jameria James:

Space and Comfort inside - Well, what can I say, the tent comes with a built in foam matress which, compared to the comfort levels offered by airbeds or roll mats this was a palacial luxury only otherwise experienced by visiting princes I am sure. Also, I am well over the six foot mark and usually expect to spend most of a night in a tent with my head or feet against the canvas. However, at well over 2m in length the Featherlite afforded me ample room to toss and turn and not once did I wake up stuck to canvas.

The proof being in the pudding I can vouch that we went to bed some time after midnight (ish) and slept through to 8.30am and awoke refreshed and cherpy without the vaguest hint of stifness or lost sleep. Even the Co-pilot was unable to find anything to complain about. The tent was even checked out by our aforementioned expert judge who concluded it was "wow!!" and awarded it the full green rating

Ease of Packing Away - well, once you have removed the sleepers, the inspectors and the general passers by who want a nosy inside the great temple canvas campingness the tent becomes just as easy to pack away as it was to erect. Fold away ladder and the action of folding away folds the tent away. I really couldn't be easier.

Quality of Construction - Now I don't know that much about the design or construction of tents so I'll have to keep the comments brief. The tent fabric was lighter than I was expecting, but then it is the featherlite so to be expected. The rest of the contruction is very strong and heavy weight, the seems are welll constructed and the corners are stengthened. The Copilot liked the colour - an important comment for a girl. As far as longlevity and build quality go only time can really tell, so we'll let it tell.

So, in summary, as you might be able to guess I am impressed and "chuffed to bits" with the new tent.

The Return Home - Raining

2009-01-03T09:46:00.001-08:00

Under Construction

Cut up by Emirates

The Return Home - Raining

2009-01-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

Under Construction

Cut up by Emirates

Astralian Grand Adventure - Part 2 - On the Road

2009-01-03T09:35:00.003-08:00

Under Construction

Australian Grand Adventure - Part 1 Melbourne

2009-01-03T09:35:00.001-08:00

Under Construction

The FJ Gets a New Hat

2009-01-02T12:58:00.001-08:00

Under Construction

Homework - From a Childs Perspective

2008-12-14T11:07:00.001-08:00

As one of a group of keen but unskilled and learning photographers in Dubai have decided to set ourselves "homework" every fortnight to keep us snapping. This sessions topic is "From a Childs Perspective". Here are my offerings for Critique/slander:

"Spinning"
(f22 1/20 ISO 100)

"We've got a ceiling like this"
(f6.3 1/10 ISO1600)

"No, don't touch its hot"
(f3.8 1/8 ISO800)

Please feel free to add comments via the comments facility on the blog, all non-offensive criticism shall be welcomed. Offensive stuff will result in retaliation so be warned Bailey!!

Pedstrian Crossing Fail!!

2008-12-14T10:51:00.001-08:00

A while back, during my last trip to the UK my brother Rhubarb introduced me to an excellent blogg called Fail! This is basically a collection of photos of things that are just plain wrong in ways that could only ever have been the work of complete idiots.

Now in Dubai there are any number of examples of this but I thought I'd share with you two classic exmples of pedestrian crossing fails!!

Need I say more? If you can't spot the error then maybe you are the sort of person who will eventualy end up producing a Fail entry.

A cat owners guide to packing

2008-12-14T10:50:00.001-08:00

While packing for the Grand Australian Adventure I was fortunate enough to enjoy the assistance of Sam the cat, who apparently is an expert in these matters and with a simple sniff and a meow can confirm that this are correct and in order.

I therefore decided that I would put together some "instruction for use" for the benefit of less experienced cat owners who may not yet realise the full value of cat assisted packing:

Open cupboard and take out suitcase
close cupboard
take suitcase to bedroom
return to cupboard and remove meowing cat form cupboard
Return to suit case, unlock and open
Remove cat from open suitcase
Move to wardrobe and inspect clothes
battle with cat in the vain attempt to stop him clawing clothes
select clothes you want to take and load up arms;carry to suitcase
shoo cat out of suitcase with your foot, stamp feet and wave clothes ladened arms at cat
Put clothes on bed while you remove cat from suitcase, grab clothes and return to case
kick cat out, who has already returned to case before you
drop clothes in case while the cat has good rummage through your selection of clothes, checking that you have everything and that it all smells right.
Return to cupboard to get shoes, knickers and other paraphernalia, remove cat from cupboard, turn and throw paraphernalia in to case on top of cat,
remove cat from under clothes in suitcase
close case and search for keys to case
chase cat across the house while he bats the keys across the room because they have a fluffy key ring
retrieve keys return to case, quickly open one last time to check you have everything, close case and lock
Unlock case remove cat, curse and swear, take clothes back out and re-launder them all to remove cat hair, removing cat from washing basket, washing machine and tumble dryer in the process
Reload case, remove that bloody cat, lock case.
carry heavy case down stairs with no hint of assistance from the bloody cat
get the rest of your stuff ready and call taxi, wondering where the heck that damn cat is, probably sulking somewhere
Taxi arrives, pick up case and detect the faint tell tail shifting of wait in the case
Find case keys, apologize to taxi driver, fumble with case, get it unlocked, promise the taxi driver you will only be two minutes, open case, remove very disgruntled hell cat from case, close case, lock and run free from the house
Trip over cat on the steps and wonder how the hell he got out of the house.
Remove bloody god forsaken cat from Taxi, return to the house, deposit cat in house, lock up and leave
Get in taxi, and apologize once again for making him wait
Glance back at house to see that cat on windowsill looking victorious......with all your hair bands in his mouth which he stole from your case.
Consider going back but decide it just ain't worth it. That bloody cat!
Thank your lucky stars you are a cat lover and not a dog lover......after all a dog lover would leave you feeling guilty that you left them behind....but not a bloody cat!!

We're coming to a Land Down Under

2008-12-14T05:13:00.001-08:00

As any of you who know us beyond the rambling of this Blog will know, the co-pilot and I are off to Australia this week for two weeks of "walk about". We are flying to Mebourne, going to spend a few days there before hiring a camper van and heading North(ish) to Sydney to meet up with Jan and Carole to take a look aroudn there too. The ultimate aim (for me) of this trip is to convince the co-pilot that we should quit the sand pit and head to somewhere more civilized.....and where in the world could be more civilised that Australia.......answers on a post card.

Anyway. Through a mix up on booking days off work I managed to have the day before we set off and spent the day relaxing, unwinding and generally getting myself ready for my holiday. Part of this included packing of course which, being a boy, I have of course left until last minute. As I was getting my stuff together and laying it out on the bed I got to thinking about all the other trips I have taken with the Co-pilot and how, invariably, it results in mountains of luggage - her being a girl after all (yes apparently four pairs of flip flops simply are essential). Anyway, I decided to take a photo of a boys needs for two weeks in a camper van:

Kit includes: five T shirts, three shirts, three shorts, 2 trousers, shoes, undies, socks, tripod, laptop, camera, ipod, few books and sunnies. No, the cat was not part of the packing, he was just there to inspect and make sure I had everything.

Anyway, I then packed all this into a small bag and waited to see what the co-pilot needed. When she returned home from work she began the disgorging of the contents of her wardrobe into a flotilla on suitcases.....honestly it would have been easier to just bolt a suitcase handle onto the side of the cupboard and take that. At the end of the packing up we ended up a lot more than a boy would have taken:

but I am reliably informed that it is ALL needed and ALL essential.....for two weeks.....roughing it in a camper van. I would hate to see what we ended up with had we not decided to go minimalist and travel light ;0)

Movember - The grand finale

2008-12-14T05:08:00.001-08:00

Movember is finally over and I am able to now liberate my chin from the torment of the prickly woolybear catapillar that has been living on my top lip and chin.

So it is with great pleasure I give to you the three steps to liberation:

And now I am once again a happy baby faced softy, and all the better for it!!

While wondering around our local Incontinent Hypermarket I did come across the following helpful looking Movember ender product:

Although given the brand name I wonder if it is facial hair it is really intended to remove (makes you eye's water jsut thinking about it doesn't it!!)

Cooking Facilities

2008-12-14T05:01:00.001-08:00

Since moving to the Sand Pit Cell Block out in AssWakka the co-pilot and I have found our cooking options severely limited. Upon moving in we realized that there was in fact no oven in the kitchen. Now you might think this to be something you would notice when looking around, but when it is something you automatically expect from a "fully fitted kitchen" you don't think to check. I mean, when did you ever look around a flat and check there where toilets or walls for example?

Anyway, we raised this omission with the landlord who's response was

"but its normal not to have an oven, nobody has them in this part of the world"

We can only assume that "this part of the world" referred exclusivey to our block, because I have yet to find another flat or house which benifits from its kitchen not being cluttered up with this clearly unnecessary appliance.

Through further inquiry it transpires that Rigsby had decided to save money and just not fit them, and also saved further pennies by not fitting a high enough rated fuse box, SMDB, MDB or tranformer room in the building to cope with ovens in the appartments!! Up shot being that even if we decided to pay for it oursleves, we can't have an oven fitted.

As a result we now have only two cooking options: One electric ring (the other three rings are gas, and we are not allowed to fit the gas as its unsafe!!) and the microwave.

We are slowly getting better at the microwave cooking and the co-pilot even managed to make one of my favourate dishes one evening - PIES!! Yes pies in a microwave!!

We have also learn't to live with eating meals that only requires one ring such as chilly or spag boll (microwave for rice/pasta). However, the co-pilot was foolish enough one evening to entrust the preparation of popcorn to yours truly.

Now if you know me you'll know I have quite a short attention span and can never resist a "what would happen if...." scenario when it pops into my head. Well, while making the popcorn the time between adding corn to pan of hot butter and the popping starting was just too long and I got to thinking....the packet say add enough corn to the pan to just cover the bottom. Well......what would happen if you ignored this wise advise and just hoofed a load extra in there. Well for those interested, this is what happens:

Oh that, and you get banded from making popcorn ever again.

Dubai Rugby Seven's - Day 2

2008-12-14T02:35:00.000-08:00

The Second day of the sevens saw me joining he hallowed ranks of the VIP corporate sponsored stands at the very kind invitation of the lads over at United Utilities (Thanks to Paul, Jim and Brian). The upshot of this being that I got to sit in a great location right in the half way line, enjoyed free bacon butties and breakfast and hot and cold running beer. It was good!!

And the excellent vantage point almost exactly on the halfway line gave me more opportunities to try and get the "blurred action" shot of the game. My favourite of the day came courtesy of the All Blacks who made a break against the Kenyans:

Of course being the caring sharing type I am I didn't abandon the copilot and leave her at home....Oh no, what kind of man do you take me for. I got her a ticket of her own and deposited her in the public stand, making sure she could see me in my VIP seat - I didn't want her to feel unloved after all. We did an ingenious technique for sneaking her into the VIP area whithout a wrist band but sadly I didn't work:

That said, after the first set of "good games" finished and it it moved
on to the wheezers and puffers rugby (vetrans and master class) I did
go for a wander around and met up with Amy, Jeramy and the Co-pilot for
more beers and sun bathing.

While wondering around the visitors from over seas and the first timers in Dubai got an extra treat when a sand storm whipped and blew everybody around for about 15 mins and it was at this point you could spot those who hadn't been in Dubai long as they all started packing up and looking like they would head home. However the seasoned Dubai expats, the rugby addicts and the pi$$ed weren't put off by a bit of grit assisted wind and just hankered down and waited for it to blow threw, which it did.

And throughout the storm the fair maidens of the Aggreko Dynamos where on hand as ever to keep us all entertained......how do they get there legs that high!!

However in the end sunbathing, beer and excitement of the rugby was all a little too much for poor Amy, who we
had to take home early because she was feeling dizzy and
pucky......which was of course because of the sun and not the beer.Although this did give us chance to test out the improved transport facilities and sure enough, as promised by the even organizers there where indeed plenty of taxis and buses, and the buses had been set up to go to multiple destinations across Dubai, rather than just the Double Decker pub like last year.

All in all I have to say I have been quite impressed by the sevens this year, the organizers seem to have learn't from past short commings in terms of the transport facilities etc and there was plenty of everything so you didn't end up with huge queues for absolutly everything.....which of course leaves me with only one complaint......I have nothing to complain about!!

Dubai Rugby Seven's - Day 1

2008-11-28T20:32:00.001-08:00

Well its that time of year again and Dubai attention, or at least the expat beer drinking rugby watching attention, is focused on the Dubai Exiles......home of the Dubai Rugby Seven's. And in keeping with tradition I headed down there ful intending to shun the comfort of the seats in the stands and stand down on the pitch edge and enjoy a few days of a sport I know next to nothing about.

This year is the first year the even is being held at its new home out on the edge of Dubai. To start with I thought this move out of town was a daft idea as its not just moved to the edge of town, its now 40km out into the desert. However I have to say the event was much better organised than usual....actually thats not fair, it is always well organized once you are there, its the traffic chaos of getting in and out not to mention the bus/taxi fiasco last year....oops already mentioned.

Well I have to admit that from what I have seen of my first day there, it is much improved. There was lots of parking, the road junctions were sign posted and weren't clogged up and there appeared to be loads of buses and taxis. That said, the co-pilot and I did leave at around 6 O'clock so it might have been worse at 8 when all the action finally finished.

But anyway, enough about the venue, what about the Rugby....well......I am sure it was good rugby, after all these are all international players. However I'm afaid I know little about the game other than the teh following four things:

1. It is a sport when Gentlement act like thugs
2. You can't pass forward, and you score by crossing the line and putting the ball on the floor
3. not as much thuggery is as legal as it used to be "back in the good old days"
4. It is played by men with odd shaped balls.

(speaking of which, you just wouldn't want to be the fella in the middle would you)

No, I apologies to all those who didn't manage to get tickets (as it was apparently a sell out) but I went along and enjoyed myself without knowing anything about the sport. Instead I went along for the atmosphere, the spectacle and to take photos.

The aim this year was to try and put some of the things I'd learn't from David to good use. The aim was to try and capture the speed, the action, the energy and the motion of the game. See what you think, and hopefully you like. Please feel free to leave comments, especially if its constructive criticism.

All in the footwork
This is in fact uncropped and as it came
off the camera. I was try to catch the energy/action of the running
and thought "you don't need to see their faces to see that" and by
filling the frame I think it makes the action more in yoru face

In the Scrum
I have cropped this to my favourate proportions as I think it makes the frame look fuller and capturing the scrum of the scrum.

'Run into the Space'
Trying to keep the
players in focus but panning to blur the background and give a feel of
motion. The wider crop makes it feels to me like the palyers have
the space to run into the frame although sadly they are not as in focus as I'd like.

A Good Try
Although this is largely blurred and out of focus I liked it for that very reason

Zoom Shoot
In this I used Colin's favourate technique and
zoomed out as I shot to give the shot action, although it would have
been a better shot had Number 10 not just turned and obscured the ball
from view. I think in sports shots it is as inportant to have the ball
in shot/focus as it is to have the eye in focus in a portrait. Still,
I wasn't going to tell them to do it again.

{Please note, no photo's were harmed in the making of these shots, Photoshop was not used and}

Movember Update

2008-11-27T10:38:00.001-08:00

No long paragraphs of explanation or whittisisms necessary. Just look at this Mo-majesty!!

And am I proud and ready to join the family Mo-tree?

Yep

Am I pleased with my far work

Yep

Am I tempted to keep it forever

Not on your nelly!!

I really can't wait to get rid of this itchy, tickly, scratchy cack-a-pilar.

Movember Week 2

2008-11-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

Ok its now 15 Movember so I am now officially 2 weeks into the Mo-challenge and I am sure you will agree that the improvement is vast and I am not a veritable badger muncher:

Well, of sorts.

Ok, so maybe I'm not a goatboy just yet, but you have to agree, in the right light, and with a prevailing wind, down hill, it does like kind of masculine and manly......Oh sod you then!!

On a visit to see the goat this weekend I was proudly showing off my beard and was greeted with something similar to the following discussion:

"Presumably you haven't kept precisely to the rules because you have shaved your cheeks and neck to keep it in a neat goaty".
"No I haven't, this is just the only places it grows"
"oh, how unfortunate, you really are a freak doomed for ever to look like a member of the philosophy fraturnity"
"And so do you use boot polish to colour some bits balck will leaving the rest blonde?"
"Nooo, that is the way it grows"
"Oh dear, how unfortunate"
"But at least you have had the sense to keep it trimmed and looking tidy"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you haven't let it get all long and become a wispy mess"
"No i haven't trimmed anything, this is all that grows on my chin in two weeks"
"Oh Jeeezzz, you really havn't been through puberty have you!!"
"Go and make a cup of tea Goatboay, and take to bushy chin badger with you!!"

Remember Remember the Fifth of Movember

2008-11-07T03:21:00.000-08:00

For a long time now, well since puberty really, I have dreamed of one day being able to grow a mustache or beard......or any form of facial hair really. My dad for many years had a full on bushy top lip catapllar, as did my grandad:

So I used to sit in a darkened room rocking back and too troubled by the demons that were my shame at not being able to carry on the family ~~blood~~ hair line.

Even friends and work colleagues have taunted me with their facial badgerness.

Well no more!!!

At the ripe old age of 32 I've decided to try and dispell some of the shame and live up to the family expectations and become a man. To grow a face badger!!

Apparently this month is Movember where one is encouraged not to shave and to be proud of ones facial hair. so in the spirit of such things I've decided to "see what grows"

and so starting from the usual and familiar clean shaven baby soft chin:

I've now spent a whole 7 days of concerted effort and dedicated concentrations and am pleased to unveil the new improved and generally more manly chin:

What do you mean you can't see any difference!!??

The Co-pilot did kind of suggest that perhaps my months growth wasn't as much as it might be, but assured me that she was sure that once I had been through puberty I would start to grow something......

......watch this space for regular hair monster updates.

Holding Hands with 4000 (ish) pink people

2008-10-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

On Friday the co-pilot and I joined and aticipated 4000 (actual nubers 1032) people to form a giant human "pink ribbon" at the Emirates Golf Course to raise awareness of breast cancer and the slowly bake in the sun until we too were pink:

I'd liek to say it was lots of fun and the world record attempt was achieved but really it wasn't, the morning was a little dull with lots of waiting around for 2988 people to fail to turn up.....but it was for a good cause at the end of the day so what can you say.

But they did at least have a bouncy castle......even if the rules do state that mums HAVE to go on with their kids.......apparently.........honest

Cluster Map Guest Book

2008-10-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

I have added the cluster map application to the side of this blog. I initially added it as it looked cool over on grumpy goats blog, and I am now glad I did because it is VERY cool and amazed me how far and wide people have visited this humble little blog from.

I then got even more curious to perhaps know who all these people are there fore I thought I'd add a little guest book. So, if you visit this site it would be cool if you left a comment linked t this blog entry jsut perhaps letting me know who you are and where you are.

Thanks

YBOD

For Your Saftey

2008-10-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

I spotted the following notice in the "hotel" room while staying at the Mucky Beach Hotel in Fujairah:

Watch out Mums to be, I bet you don't realize you were suffering from an abnormality where there is a significant probability of unconsciousness now do you. And as for the at horseplay in the water, one presumes this is a reference to water polo.

Shag Pile Rug

2008-10-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

Anybody who has been to the Wakka Mansion will be familiar with resident catawaha and his tendency to great all visitors with a rendition of his entire volcabulary of "howls and yowls" and then continue to do so for the rest of the evening.

Well, this has begun to drive the co-pilot and I to distraction, especially when it continues until 4am with no respite. This added to his eagerness to escape the mansion and head out into the great blue yonder we wondered if he perhaps hadn't had the snip as feline friends had lead us to believe. These suspicions where further triggered when we were watching TV one night and the delightful fella started getting very jiggy with his sheep skin rug he sleeps on......and I don't mean he started dancing Will Smith style if you know what I mean. It wasn't a pretty sight.

Anyway, we took him to the vets wh gave him a full examination which ended with the vet grabbing Sam's family jewels (or lack there of as it transpired) and concluding that he had certainly "been done" and there was no explanation for his noise. Only that maybe he was just a talker.

Now the really strange thing is htat since having his balls grabbed by the vet he has been nearly silent at home since........and its been two days now. So I have decided that if I hear another late night peep out of him in future I shall be grabbing him by the balls and asking him very politely to stop!!

Hong Kong Movement

2008-10-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

The other thing I loved about Hong Kong was its frenetic streets and busy crowds, and while the co-pilot was off looking around the many shops around the Time Square area (and there are plenty, I can assure you) I found myself a spot and switched out of A and into S.......

and of course there are more where they came from.....

Hong Kong Horizontal

2008-10-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

As much as I really love the 3:1 vertical there were some occasions where the shots just worked better in the horizontal, and as Dave said on a photography course I went on "it's digital, its costs you nothing to take a few extra the other way around and see how they look"

And so here are a few of the horizontals:

Again, more shots can be found in the Picasa Album

So let that be a challenge.

2008-10-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Following the Hong Kong Vertical post I received the following comment from the Grumpy Goat:

"The boons of tower-cranes don't lend themselves to a narrow portrait aspect ratio. So let that be a challenge."

Well, not wanting to be one to back down from a direct challenge I had to trawl the old photo collection, and this is what I came up with:

.........

Well, I could hardly let that one go could I?

Hong Kong Vertical

2008-10-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

With the closed in nature of Hong Kong with its narrow streets and high sheer buildings I was inspired by the work of Horst Hamann and his "New York Vertical". I decided to spend a few days adopting the 3:1 aspect ratio Horst uses to try and capture the verticality of Hong Kong. Here are a few of my shots, let me know what you think:

The full set can be found in my Picasa Album.

Hong Kong - Phewee!!

2008-10-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

With Ramadan drawing to an end and the Eid Break approaching I had nothign planned to make the most of the extra long weekend/holiday when I got an email from those nice chaps over at Skywards about all the wonderful things I could do with my Skywards Points.

I decided to put a few thousand of the old airmile (or skywards miles) to good
use and surprise the co-pilot with a last minute trip to Hong Kong!! And with her ladyships birthday just around the corner it seemed an ideal chance to kill two birds with one stone....

In summary we did the Star Ferry, Hollywood Road,
Curios markets, and the Northwest of the island, a few Malls - Harbour
city, timesquare and IFC (concession to the co-pilot), cable cars,
Giant Budda, Causeway Bay area, night markets, parks (Kawloon and
Charter) and miles and miles and miles of walking.

Only thing we regretted missing was heading up the peak for the view but we decided to
leave it on the first day and then the rest of the time the visibility
was crap so we skipped it hoping the next day was better...and it just
got worse. Still, after Dubai, the rain was brilliant.

Hong Kong was fantastic, I love the feel of the place (although I

am told it used to be better in the 'good old days'). Its seems as
safe and relaxed as Dubai but with the added advantage of history,
character, topography, landmarks, interesting shopping, cool bars,
friendly people, places to walk and.......well, in fact.......its
everything Dubai wishes it was but fails to be. Loved it.

Rather than bore you with a long recount of everything we did I
thought it better to just upload the pictures with a few notes against
each for those who are interested. I have split the shots up in to
groups of similar style, theme etc. Enjoy.

The Omnivore's Hundred

2008-10-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

This is taken from The Grumpy Goat, who took it from someone who took it from someone else:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Add comments to taste
5) Optional extra: Post a comment at Very Good Taste

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea No but I have eaten nettles as a dare, its wasn't good.
3. Huevos rancheros - What the??
4. Steak tartare Only if it came well done
5. Crocodile
6. ~~Black pudding~~ Straight from the fridge, or fried, and even à la thermidor.
7. Cheese fondue
8. ~~Carp~~
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush-?????
11. ~~Calamari~~
12. Pho - ?????
13. ~~PB&J (peanut butter & jelly) sandwich~~ Yes, and i will NEVER EVER do it again. Peanut butter is satan's own seeman!!
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart and paid 7 quid for the pleasure outside the globe in London
16. Epoisses ??????.
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes My dad made many a wine from things other than grape - not all were a success
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries Yep, and as a kid even peed on them to make sure they didn't have any dog wee on them. The logic worked when I was seven
23. Foie gras In Mezzaneen at the Habtour grand - over priced duck paste butties if you ask me
24. Rice and beans Staple diet of students - with baked beans that is.
25. Brawn Tried it; hated it - agree with Goat on this one
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper - is this some kind of Dandruff from north of the border?
27. Dulce de leche - Thought this was an Italian opera singer
28. ~~Oysters~~
29. Baklava - Why would I eat a winter hat
30. ~~Bagna càuda~~
31. Wasabi peas
32. ~~Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl~~ No way, it has Clam's in it
33. Salted lassi I prefer it sweet.
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea It was ok bit over rated in my book - I prefer jam and butter
38. Vodka jelly - It was messy
39. ~~Gumbo~~
40. Oxtail (Soup).
41. Curried goat A speciality of Ravies in Dubai.....not good
42. ~~Whole insects~~
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk Not that great
45. Malt whisky from a bottle ~~worth~~ costing £60/$120 or more Yep, and loved it......but then I had just skinny dipped in Loch Ness on my birthday in April......Bbbbrrrrrr
46. ~~Fugu~~
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. ~~Eel~~
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut YUMMY!!!
50. ~~Sea urchin~~
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi - Bless you
53. ~~Abalone~~
54. Paneer.
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal Bes hang over cure known to man
56. Spaetzle - No idea what it is, but anything that sounds like splitting has to be good
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV Possibly......the memory is a bit vague
59. Poutine No idea, thought he was the Russian leader
60. Carob chips ???
61. S’mores - Is this the name for seconds, "There's S'more if you want it"?
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin - As goat says, only mixed with Morphin - Which according to my grandad was the cure for anything.
64. Currywurst
65. Durian ?????
66. ~~Frogs’ legs~~
67. Beignets ????
68. Haggis And neeps and tatties too. Washed down with whisky.
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini In Tehran at a new year celebration - Didn't appreciate its cost and spooned it on a cream cracker nice and thick and then threw it away as it tasted vile - Oh well
73. Louche absinthe Is this the drink? If so see 58 - probably
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. ~~Roadkill~~
76. Baijiu - ????
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. ~~Snail~~
79. Lapsang souchong yeah but found it a bit dry until you put the water on it.
80. Bellini - ?????
81. Tom yum Is that a tasty fairy tale midget?
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky - Yellow fighting Hamster?
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant If you are paying
85. Kobe beef and it was GOOOOOOOOOOD
86. Hare There was once one in my soup, so they gave me a free replacement
87. Goulash
88. Flowers Dandilions, daffodills and roses - all dares
89. Horse Yep, and it was crap (like most french food)
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam Straight from the tin, or fried, or deep fried in batter ex chip-shop Oh yes!!
92. ~~Soft shell crab~~
93. Rose harissa
94. ~~Catfish~~
95. Mole poblano - ????
96. Bagel and lox
97. ~~Lobster Thermidor~~
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee - Does it taste that much different to Nestecafe?
100. ~~Snake~~ but was offered it in Hong Kong last week at a street stall - wierd

Additional from Keefie:
101. Deep-fried Mars Bar Oh yeah, scolding hot if eaten too fresh

Additional from the Goat:
102. Kangaroo yeah, sort of tough beef - over rated

Additional from YBOD
103. Pepperoni, Bannana and Pineapple Pizza - yes, all together - its the only pizza worth eating!!

48 out of 103 - Clearly I am not nearly Goatboys culinary equal!!